Stream of Consciousness...

I'll apologize in advance in this post. When I come out of my stress-induced stupor, I'll probably rewrite it, but you'll just have to make do for now. This has been a rather strange week. In addition to meeting myself coming and going while burning the candle in the middle too, I've met Herr Governor (and didn't make an ass of myself) and I'm stressing over finals. *Sigh.* It will all be over soon. (14 days to be exact, not that I'm counting.)


My trusty internet at home is (again) broken (that's why it's trusty--I can always trust that it won't be functional) and has been broken since the week before Thanksgiving when the guy came to "fix" it, after which it worked for 6 hours. They're coming out again tomorrow morning. I've looked into alternative internet sources, but apparently Cox is the only provider in my complex, aside from Billy Jim Bob's Redneck Internet Service. Damn. As a friend noted today about Cox, "some know how to use 'em and some don't." Couldn't have said it better myself. :-)


In the vein of the previously posted bottle orchestra, we apparently have a bottle soloist. I have many questions about this performance, including (but not limited to) the following:
(a) What was the inspiration that culminated with "and I think that I'll attach beaters to my skates and play music. By moving past a bunch of tuned bottles."
(b) How did he get the bottles to be aligned just so for rhythm?
(c) How'd he tune the chords?
(d) Where does he practice?
(e) Why don't the bottles break?


I've gotta start studying. If I don't, I won't be graduating in two weeks because I'll fail a core course, and that would make me a very unhappy person.


In the meantime, I leave you all with this. Special for Santa and the other Elf-let. Because you're both on the top of my list!

Now, THIS audition is calling my name...

LOL! I don't play in an orchestra because there's not a big call for clarinet players in my neck of the woods...but I think that this is an orchestra that I could get into!!!

*blubbering* Are you KIDDING?!?

I was just summoned into the Lair de High Goddess. Understandably, this happens often, but today, I was summoned thrice. The first two times were for basic workday items--layouts, questions, etc. The third time, I was confused as to why I was going, as all the questions had been previously answered. I get into her office, and alas, she is in a meeting with the Chief Underling. Hmm. I was ushered in (shock!), and was then asked if I would mind representing the Honorable Agency in a meeting with the governor on Thursday. At this point, I looked behind me to make sure High Goddess was indeed addressing me.

Holy shit, I have to go clothes shopping! I have a meeting with the executive directors of four state agencies, the governor of our beloved state, his Chief Underling, and myself in exactly 92 hours!!! EEEP!

Well, would you?

Since the other version of this is broken now, let's try this one.

Happy Pre-Christmas.

In the spirit of commercialism, crappy advertising, and overwhelming need to consume, start your holiday season out right. At least if you listen to this before you go shopping, you'll be smiling, and I won't have to deal with you ramming me with a shopping cart. I do my Christmas shopping during Advent. Duh. (Not in July, not on Halloween Eve, and surely not the day after Turkey Day.)

Eat a lot, enjoy the family, and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Remembering the Old(er) Days

This brings back memories of Grandma's house in the summertime. Sorry, mom. I know it's been 20 years, but you probably just got this song out of your head. :)

(Now I'm going to be jammin' all day to the Rubber Duck...damn.)

View from the office

Many of you have asked about my office at some point or other. Here are pics of the office and the view from the office. Enjoy! (I do daily!)

The New Village People

This is so wrong. So so wrong. But I'm going there anyway.

Compliments of Brad.

If I had a nickel...

for every time this happened in class, I'd have a nickel.

OMG. Class was pretty much over at this point.

At least it was the freakin' hilarious prof, and not the Engrish prof...made my whole life worthwhile for almost a minute.

Cox anytime

I now officially have my very own personal Cox phone directory. Anytime, anywhere, I have the personal direct line of the state-wide tech manager. Sunday night at 4 am? Angel's got me covered. Wednesday at 11 am? Brian's there for me. Just go across the day and down the time, and a phone number is at my fingertips. Woot. Brian/Becky/Angel/Your Mother is sending out the "holy crap, it's still not fixed" team tomorrow morning.

We'll see if they fall into their own category.


...if you found this post because you thought it was "Cocks anytime," shame on you. You have to call (405) 600-8282 for that.

Huh?

I'm not sure how familiar you all are with gmail, but there is something that has bothered me for a long time that I just now realized should appear on this august site. (right. That's not where the huh? comes in though...)

When you look at the Gmail inbox, you see across the top (yellow) and down the right side (red) ads and other such links that apply to whatever you happen to be looking at. If the message is about music, so are the ads, etc. This doesn't particularly bother me, since for the most part, the yellow links are about nifty add-ons to gmail or other non-obtrusive type things...


But when you look in your spam folder, the random-seeming links become topic-oriented. SPAM. As in every time I open that folder, I see something like this. I now know more recipes using spam than any single person should know. (I think that a single recipe would qualify for this award, but you know what I mean...)


Come to think of it, I just did the same thing looking in my trash folder.



Geesh, Google. Create a program that attaches itself to email that will automatically determine if (a) I like spam, and (b) upon the assumption that "No" is the response to (a), filter out all links that deal with the food version. I'd appreciate it a lot. Thanks.

And you thought playing the nose flute was cool...

The Most Bizarre Musical Instrument on Earth

Just wow. How'd they do that?!?

Taking Dallas by storm

Happy Holiday! Woot! ... it's 9:00 p.m. and my internet finally is alive after 5 days of being dead. Reincarnation of inanimate objects is a fine and wonderful thing...

Anyway, you probably know that other than www-wise, I've been incommunicado this weekend. I went to the big D for a bell gig, loved it, and took pictures of a fountain outside my fantastic hotel. Enjoy! (Click on the images for a full-screen shot.)

…remembering threats of goats in days past

So I went over to Crystal's place and found this post…(class 4 beverage alert, btw, as usual)…

I was then encouraged by the devil on my shoulder to waste spend a little time by surfing for gnome catchers online. What I found was this. PRICELESS! The letter posted below is to be sent to any member of the general populace who has the misfortune fabulous decorating taste to play host to a garden gnome:

Letter to Gnome Captor

Gnome Slave Owner,

We deplore your treatment of gentle woodland creatures, and your total disregard for the basic principles of liberty.

Your moral bankruptcy is evidenced by your acts of wanton recklessness and the deliberate use of coercive force and terror tactics against gentle and innocent creatures.

It has come to our attention that a Gnome is being held captive in your garden. We do not, as a rule, negotiate with terrorists, however, we request that he be released immediately. Already your actions have prompted copycat offenses, which we have witnessed, including the deplorable use of a Gnome as a hood ornament.

We understand that you probably were not responsible for the innocent Gnome's original capture but rather purchased him from a Gnome slave trafficker like a garden center or craft show. Please understand that we are not holding you responsible for the state of Gnome slavery in America.

We are, however, asking you to put an end to your involvement. Do the responsible thing; free your Gnome today.

FreetheGnomes.com has specially trained caseworkers who will gladly work with you toward the goal of returning your Gnome to the northern woodlands from where he came. Please contact us today at FreeMe@FreeTheGnomes.com.

Although American law currently permits you to keep a Gnome in slavery, we believe it to be morally reprehensible. We hope that upon honest reflection, you will agree.

Stop Oppressive Gardening. Free the Gnomes.

Thank you,

Your Name Here

AMEN, sister!!!

A Gentleman's C: I'm a passive-aggressive bitch, Bitch.

Because here, we're partially edumacated.

Cash Advance Loans

...though there is one notable exception I know of...the perpetual undergrad. (Love ya!)

Pet Peeve #28H

...or, Think Before You Speak.

Those of you who know me know that the way today's people communicate in a professional setting has a great tendency to piss me off. Though there are several grammatical faux pas that come to mind, I am currently sitting behind the #28H pet peevert, and I'm trying VERY HARD to not kick him every time he says "you know" ... no, I don't know. If I knew you wouldn't have to tell me, now would you?

Well, you know, the you know manager decided to you know even out the you know playing field, so he looked into the you know overseas market and you know brought you know another expatriate into the you know company.

Holy Mother of Jesus. Are you kidding?!? (This is not exaggerated. I copied it straight from the voice recorder I had used in class...) This was a 10-second clip from a 45-second response containing 24 uses of the phrase "you know." No shit.

Without the filler words, the 45-second response could have been clipped to a mere 15 seconds. Considering that this guy responds approximately five times per class, he spends around 1 minute and 15 seconds filling his speech while he thinks about what to say next. Extrapolating to the whole semester, he has permanently stolen 18.75 minutes of my life. Assuming that I had never been in class with him before, that's the equivalent of eating lunch. Grr.

Scientists have long known that using filler words is a worldwide linguistic anomaly. Each language has its own vocalization syllables, but in English most people say um, er, or uh (or most commonly these days: LIKE). My professor for my undergraduate Music History classes (five semesters of him...) was nicknamed Captain Um. On average, we'd fill a letter-sized sheet of paper with tick marks in the span of a single lecture.

So why do people use filler words? Scientists believe it is to keep the listener listening instead of attempting to speak. The second reason is to let your brain think about what you want to say next.

This comes straight from the White House (no commentary on the monkey in office, please) by the leader of the free world:

Discussing Social Security at a March 21, 2006, White House news conference, the leader of the free world used these words to describe a recent crisis: “The system,” the president declared, “was about to, like, fall into the abyss.” Later in the news conference, Bush gave his take on the current situation in Iraq: “There are other voices coming out of Iraq, by the way, other than Mr. Allawi--who I know, by the way, like, he's a good fellow.”

Geez, people. Listen to yourselves. And use the top half of your head to ward off the idiocy the bottom half spews.

...or, Think Before You Speak.

A singing purple hippo and an orange dog

I think the title says it all.

Looking for needles

I went browsing at the blogger awards, and found this incredible photoblog. I know that several of you share my love of photos, so I give you this link...Deceptive Media.

(In)famous?

Well, according to my nifty little sitemeter, I've been getting some new traffic. :-)

Welcome to my humble internet abode, and feel free to look around, but ignore the dust. My friends know that they come to see me, not my house, so have a good time, come back often, and let me know what you are thinking.

Dusting off the old soapbox

My soapbox was getting lonely, and I had a little time on my hands. I decided to peruse the internet, giver of wonderful things, and found THIS. From this article, we get the following important information:
1. I think that the fact that a group of their peers decided that it was not okay to wave signs at someone's funeral decrying their life is spectacular. Let the judgment of life come from your creator, not your neighbor.
2. The fact that the ruling will be appealed is a no-brainer. The restitution is over three times the value of the church's assets. Duh. Such a pity that it is.

The fact of the matter is that a man died while in service to the United States of America. What does the pastor of the church that led the rally have to say about the whole thing? "[The ruling is] going to be reversed in five minutes," he said. This case, he added, "will elevate me to something important," as it draws more publicity to his cause.

Because this case is clearly about you, Herr Crazy Church Founder.

...and now for the liturgical portion of this afternoon's message...

Take this in the context that it's offered: my church does this, other churches do this, and apparently Herr Crazy Church Founder does this too, by his above message.

Let me begin by giving two definitions, taken from the Random House Dictionary...
1. Liturgy: n. a particular arrangement of services; or a collection of formularies for public worship
2. Worship: n. reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred; v. to render religious reverence

Nowadays, when one attends church, it is with an expectation of entertainment. My assistant pastor is one of the worst about this; he is always catching the worship committee with questions like, "Why do we sing so much slow music?" or "I want to sing faster stuff."

This would be moderately acceptable coming from a parishioner, but from staff? Nay. In becoming staff at a church, one understands the difference between "going to church" and "attending worship" -- there is a reason we call what we do "WORSHIP." Namely, it is because we focus on revering God and reflecting our obedience to Him in ALL that we do. When the body of Christ comes together to worship, not everyone will have his or her way each Sunday. I'll be the first to tell you that every song that comes out of my piano is NOT one of my favorites. I hate "Victory in Jesus," but I suck it up and play it for the sake of those in the congregation who aren't as averse to it as I.

The comment from the preacher in the article just riles me up. Mister, you are a pastor. This presumably means that you have some kind of education, even if it is only from the Online Seminary. You, of all people in the world, should understand that worship is about God, not about you. Anything you do that brings your church into the limelight for acting from whims of man is NOT God's intention. Waving anti-gay signs at a worship service of respect for the dead is NOT a method by which to ingratiate yourself to God. A wedding, just as a funeral, is a WORSHIP service, honoring members of God's holy church in special times of their lives. Scripture is read, His name is invoked, and people are, in this case, comforted by knowing that their son is in a better place. It is not your right to judge that person (whom you never knew as a living soul) by condemning his lifestyle at the worship service commemorating his life.

And doing so and expecting to get public support for your church is a whole new level of depravity that I don't even want to touch.

Sir, as a Christian and a fellow church staff member, I am ashamed to call you my brother in Christ. I won't judge you, but just remember that Jesus told his followers that the most important concept of any is to love each other as yourself, and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

If this is your conception of brotherly love, don't bother.

I'm an aunt!

Aww. Burrito Loco is here. :-) Baby Gap, here I come.

Congrats, bro. (...and give me a damn picture so I can post it instead of a link!)