I'm still trying to figure it out.

Why does BSCUN vacuum? Anyone have ideas? Bueller? Bueller?

AAAAAARGH! (once an hour today...we're up to 4-6 times DAILY)

Please, someone! Stop the madness!

In which I am nothing if not persistent

Remember the Red Roof Inn debacle???

Wellllllll, here's the update:

The following Tuesday, I called the corporate office to see why my refund had not yet been posted. I talked to the COO of Guest Relations, who promised me a refund and a voucher for a free night's stay at any Red Roof Inn. (Oh joy, oh rapture)

I didn't receive my refund within two weeks, so I called the COO on her direct line, and two days later, I was eating my last dinner with GG and received a call from the new temporary manager of the hotel in Plano. He couldn't seem to get the whole story from anyone on the staff there, so he decided to call me to get the scoop. He was adequately astounded by the actions of the crew, and promised me the refund that had yet to appear on my card.

Well, in the meantime, I've gotten a new job, moved, and have mostly settled in. So I decided to give Red Roof another call. I asked for the temp manager, who I found out had gone back to Pittsburg, so I asked for the acting manager. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?

After a slight delay, LaDeana answered the phone. Grrrreat. She then forwarded me to "Scott, a Red Roof manager from Southern Dallas County who is giving me manager lessons." THANK THE GODS AND LITTLE FISHIES! She desperately needs them.

LaDeana said the paperwork had been forwarded but she wasn't sure how long it would take once it hit corporate HQ. Scott admitted that he knew nothing of the problem, but as of July 31, they changed credit processing companies, and my refund may have been backlogged or lost in the shuffle, so if it was in the last couple weeks, I may need to wait a few days...to which I responded that the stay in question was on July 19. He took my information and is going to talk to his friend in accounts payable to see if we can speed the process.

to be continued...hopefully with a refund.

Look out, Big D...I'm here

I'm home, and I adore it!!! My new apartment is way cute and so convenient to, well, everything! I have lost my loathing for grocery shopping (Can I go every day? Please?), and I am surrounded by malls. I'd think I'd have died and gone to heaven if it weren't so damn HOT.

Send an air conditioner for the great outdoors. And a new phone. Thanks.



In other news, this apartment is awesome...except for the idiots that laid my carpet...and cut my phone lines in the process. Oy vey. These poor people don't know what hit them--yet. Give it a week. They'll know me.

Clarinazi has come to town.

A new leaf

Holy cow!!! I officially got the job!!!! I'll no longer be a Government Slug in two weeks from today. It doesn't really seem real, but I'll be moving to Dallas to start my new job (that uses my degree!!!) on Aug. 9.

Taking requests for name changes for the blog!



...in similar but other news, I just received this email (copied verbatim, with spacing, I might add). And he wonders why I didn't reply. *Gigglesnort*

Dear Ms. Clarinazi

Hello

We been waiting for your responding e-mail by July 15 2008.

But we did not get any respond from you.

We are looking for the experienced designer on lingerie, undergarment.

We need a graphic designer who knows about our field.

We do not have any idea, how much you want your salary, when you are available or you have any experience on field.

You did not answer our e-mail.

So we can not hire you.

Again thank you for your resume.

Brian Kim

HANA HOSIERY, INC.

Vignettes from Dallas

brought to you by the letter O, the number 15, Red Roof Inn, and English, the official language of Slugdom.

My choirs performed this weekend in the final concerts of the season. We had a great turnout and everyone seemed very enthusiastic, so I feel pretty good about things. The final concert was in Plano, and the following vignettes are short stories that happened while we were there.

1. The freeway.

GG and the newly-dubbed English (see #4) left the Friday night north-OKC concert to drive to Plano at 11:00 p.m. Close to their destination, around 3 a.m. the following conversation ensues:

English: "Exit Parker."
GG: *crickets*
English: "Exit Parker!"
GG: *crickets*
English: "Exit Parker!!!!"
GG: *crickets*
English: "Get off the freakin' freeway!"
GG: *Saudi sweep*

2. The hotel.

Hotel arrangements have been made since May. We were guaranteed early check-in at the Red Roof Inn, Plano. At least until we got there...

Me: "I need to check in. I have six rooms reserved under the name Clarinazi."
Desk girl: "We don't have any rooms."
Me: "I guaranteed early check in. We have a rehearsal at 3 pm and I was told LAST NIGHT that I could check my people in at 1."
DG: "We don't have any rooms available. I wasn't the one who told you that, so it's not my problem."
(cue ominous soundtrack)
Me: "You work in customer service. When you came to work today, you MADE it your problem. Can I at least have the room numbers we are going to be in to give people keys for when they get here?"
DG: "I don't know the room numbers, so I can't give you keys."
Me: "Can you not find out where your cleaning people are and give me those rooms? Could I talk to your manager?"
DG: "We don't have a manager."
Me: "Are you the CEO of the corporation? If not, you MUST have manager. District? Regional?"
DG: "Well our manager quit a couple weeks ago. Do you want to talk to our acting manager?"
Me: "Well, duh! YES!"
DG: "She's not here now."
Me: "Can you call her?"
DG: "She is at home."
Me: "Is your finger broken?"

DG called the manager. I introduced myself and explained the situation, and the following conversation is an approximate transcript.

Mgr: "We have a whole new staff. There is really nothing we can do. They tell me the hotel was abnormally busy last night, so they are cleaning rooms for you, but it will be 3 pm check-in. We cannot guarantee you early check-in, especially on a Saturday.
Me: "Well, your people DID guarantee it, so I need to get into our rooms."
Mgr: "I am sorry, but there is nothing I can do."
Me: "Do you have the corporate number that I can call to complain?"
Mgr: "I will take care of the problem on Monday."
Me: "I don't think you understand. I need the number to call and file a complaint about YOU."
Mgr: "I don't have the number. I am at home."
Me: "Which brings us to another question. Why are you at home during an abnormally busy weekend with a brand-new staff working for the first time?!?"

This gets me handed back over to the front desk clerk who has miraculously found us six clean rooms. Things go smoothly from this point, and the manager even called back to comp my room for the second night I was staying.

-to be continued...#6-

3. The concert.

The concert went exceptionally well, and I would like to re-create that space here in my home town. Whenever I get the funding that the Raleigh Ringers has and can build my OWN rehearsal/performance space, that's what I'm going to do. It is decided.

4. The language barriers.

After the concert, several of us went to a smallish pub in Plano to unwind. Admittedly, Plano has a large Hispanic population, but I wanted to become boneless and slink under the table at this monologue...

We needed water at the table, and were wearing the waitress out. Attempting to order a pitcher of water, English looks around the room, finds a Hispanic bus boy, and waves him to the table.

She then looks critically at him for a moment, points her Mommy finger at him, and says:

"ENGLISH?"

At his nod she then proceeded to order a pitcher of water, no ice. Riiiiiiiight.

"Agua?"

She resorted to hand signals.

Water. No ice.
"Glass?"
No, pitcher.

Sigh. Now I'm calling her "English" -- it just seems more fitting than appropriate sign language.

5. The great Wi-fi hunt of 2008.

After everyone else had left for the weekend, GG and I decided to hang around and go to dinner on Sunday. I desperately needed to find a Wi-fi connection for my laptop (the one in the hotel was $20) for my meeting on Monday morning. We racked our brains and came up with McDonald's as the most logical choice.

We went to McDonald's, and could connect, but the connection wouldn't work. On anything. Phone, PDA, laptop...nothing. Crap.

Next stop: English's house. She works nights, so she was asleep, and rather than potentially piss off Mr. English, we decided to park across the street and use the Wi-fi that leaked out of her house. We didn't want to be stalkers, so we did the logical thing.

We parked one door down and across the street to look like we were casing the joint instead.

To no avail.

Our next thought was that hotels would have it, so if we parked close to the lobby, we may be able to get service. We cruised over the highway and found a corner that had a Best Western, Ramada, and Holiday Inn Express close together, all with their front doors facing a common parking lot. EXCELLENT! After initial signal reads from GG, we decided that we should park in one of the handicapped spots in the front of the Ramada. It had the best service--from the Best Western. Go figure.

6. The hotel, reprise.

I checked out of the hotel Monday morning, and was asked why Bell Ringer didn't check in. I said I wasn't sure, and that I would find out.

I found out last night--Bell Ringer was told that there were no rooms listed under my name OR her name, so she didn't have a reservation.

Ye ole ears perked up, and Manager got a call this fine morning...

Me: "It's Clarinazi in OKC again. We have another problem."
Mgr: "Oh no."
Me: "Remember the girl who didn't check in? She was told that there was not a room for her under my name or hers, so she ended up driving back to north OKC, a four-hour drive, at midnight on Saturday."
Mgr: "I will credit your card immediately."
Me: "I kind of thought you'd see it my way. Have a nice day!"

I'm back home now, and will be back to scribbling if the muse allows. Glad you hung around waiting!

Tea-Totalers

…or "Served Us Right?"
…or "A Study on Comparison"

This weekend GG and I traversed the well-worn south-bound interstate (no, we did NOT stop and swap food or do a Chinese fire drill or change cars or anything else on the way), and planned to conduct some business on Friday night, then return Saturday night for a fantastic showing of "Swing!" by the local (yokel) musical theater group here.

But the best laid plans…

We left on Friday, with plenty of time to spare before the business appointment. We stopped at The Restaurant of the Gods Genghis Grill for dinner, and got a phone call that the business was canceled. Ever resourceful, we decided to go window shopping since we couldn't check into our (hotel) until after the (hotel)'s owner went to work. Great! SHOPPING!!!

By 9:30 we were tired and hungry again, so we decided to go to the Cheesecake Factory in Allen for dessert. We each ordered our usual poison—their house flavored tea for me and sweet tea for GG. We also decided to splurge, and we each ordered an appetizer. Apparently, this is where fate stepped in. We ended up being at the Cheesecake Fuckuptory (thanks, CB!) for an HOUR AND A HALF.

The following table shows what we ACTUALLY received (and note that the teas were never actually empty, so by the end, GG was drinking a major suicide drink)…

Clarinazi	Gentle Giant
Flavored Tea	Sweet Tea
Flavored Tea	Green Tea
Flavored Tea	Flavored Tea
Warmish Popcorn Shrimp	Cold Chicken Nachos
Flavored Tea	Sweet Tea
Flavored Tea	Flavored Tea
Flavored Tea	Sweet Tea
Hot Popcorn Shrimp	Hot Chicken Nachos
Sweet Tea	Sweet Tea

At the end of the debacle (at 11:00), the waitress walks up to us, hands us each a menu, and says, "These are our special cheesecakes. I'll be back in a minute to take your dessert order."

I wanted to look at her and say, "Are you SURE you weren't just fired from Pearl's in Oklahoma City?!?"
What I actually said, ::astounded glare:: ::crickets:: ::crickets::

When I stopped to think about it, I was also rather taken aback that she didn't offer us DINNER between appetizers and dessert.

Then we came home on Saturday, and the show was so bad we left at intermission. Hrm. Maybe GG and I should stop going places together. We have bad juju.

(Oh, and as an aside, on the way to the (hotel), we found a parking lot carnival just before they closed for the night…see photos in my gallery: www.picasaweb.com/clarinazi.)

Why I do what I do

I can only hope that as I go along, I have half the passion that Benjamin Zander does. It's long, but take the time. It's so very worth it.

The answers

No, I do NOT have a shrine to Kermit the frog. Anyone else is fair game, though!

No, I did NOT make up the antenna on the car...but I would have if it would have ever been necessary.

I'm pretty sure I'm not certifiable, but that is merely my opinion.

Yes, I love taking pictures. No, I'm NOT a pedophile. Remember where I work, people! I need stock photos. I mostly think kids are cute as long as (a) they're not interrupting my dinner and (b) they're someone else's.

Yes, I would LOVE to sell some of my pictures if I only knew how.

I think that's it for now. I'll return to regularly scheduled snark after next week when I (hopefully) know what I'm going to do with my life. My huge conference is next week, so I'm going nuts until Thursday. See you then!

Scenes from Oklatucky

GG and I went to Lake Dirtybird tonight with my brand-spanking-new camera and caught the following...




...but, seriously, folks. The following pics, I couldn't make up if I HAD to!!!

...and if that weren't bad enough, I give you the antenna:

Ladies and Gents, I give you--Oklatucky.

Note to the guy at dinner:

1. If you give your toddler a plastic mallet, please do NOT get upset when said toddler:
(a) Whacks the table repeatedly with the mallet.
(b) Whacks himself repeatedly with the mallet.

2. You especially have no right to act astounded given his prior behavior when the toddler whacks you in the nuts with the mallet.


That is all.

No, wolves were NOT involved.

Contrary to popular belief, I have NOT been eaten by wolves in Austin. ...there was a moment or two, during which I was coerced into dinner in a UT bar...wearing my Sooners shirt...that my life expectancy, however, was in question. The weekend was a well-needed trip, but the hell on earth that I returned to has NOT been making my days.

Queen Bee is up to her usual antics, High Goddess decided AT PRESS TIME that she no longer liked the materials everyone had been looking at for 3 weeks, so I spent another two nights working needlessly.

Yesterday, I was informed that the venue for my upcoming concert (Monday) may have to be changed due to the asshattery of certain parties involved (not me!)...damn. The jury is still out, but I'll know by this afternoon!

I had two nibbles on the "get Clarinazi into a position where "SLUG" is not in the job title" campaign, and both look somewhat promising. We'll see on that too.

...so for now, we wait.

Things are headed south.

My job has been kicking my ass, and my photography has been posted in various places, but I figured you were tired of always seeing it by now, so I didn't post the last bit.

In addition to my life sucking (you should have seen me yesterday!!!) I'm headed south for the HOT weekend.

While I'm gone, check this out. Class A beverage alert, people.

A meme of sorts.

This was forwarded to me. It's kinda interesting, and I want to prove to SOMEONE who had doubts about my filling it out that I actually did it. So there. I'm not tagging anyone. If you want to do it too, great. If you don't care, look at my pictures in the next post.

Rules: place an "X" by all the things you've done and remove the "X" from the ones you have not.

( ) Gone on a blind date
( ) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
(X) been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Sang Karaoke
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only?
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
( ) Made prank phone calls
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Been skinny dipping outdoors
(X) Gone to the movies

1. Any nickname? Clarinazi
2. Mother's name ? ClariMom

3. Favorite drink? Iced Tea and Kool-Aid (my kind...not the store's kind)
4. Tattoo? Nope
5. Body Piercing? Ears only

6. How much do you love your job? Are you KIDDING?!?
7. Birthplace? Oklahoma
8. Ever been to Africa? Not yet (Europe comes first though!)
9. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Didn't even bake 'em!
10. Favorite vacation spot? Chicago
11. Ever been on TV? Only because of Pride...never by myself
12. Ever steal a(any) traffic sign(s)? Yes. Get this--it said "OPEN TRENCH" BWAHAHA!
13. Ever been in a car accident? Not that was directly my fault
14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4-door
15. Favorite salad dressing? Spinach salad with red wine vinaigrette
16. Favorite pie? Chocolate or Apple
17. Favorite number? 2. For no reason at all.
18. Favorite movie? The Sting, Ocean's 11, Italian Job, Thomas Crowne Affair ... anything that includes espionage and intrigue and/or Pierce Brosnan
19. Favorite holiday? Christmas Eve
20. Favorite dessert? Brownies
21. Favorite food? STEAK! or Italian or Thai
22. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
23. Favorite body wash? Eucalyptus Spearmint
24. Favorite toothpaste? don't have one
25. Favorite smell? Fresh laundry
26. What do you do to relax? Take pictures, read


So there. Now you know. Dammit.

More photos and good deeds

These are today's photos. Enjoy...





I did my good deed for today. Did you do yours? I think the universe owes me. Maybe dinner.

I have power! WOOT!

Who knew? Apparently I am a powerful woman. F*cking SWEET!

I saw the grassy knoll...

...and i have the pics to prove it. A little tired, a little pink, but well worth it. I had a great weekend. Check out the link and leave commentary if you wish.

Soon back to regularly scheduled snark...promise!

...oh I almost forgot

Congrats to those of you who took double time to graduate. You're finally free! (but only with a coupon.)


...seriously though, good job.

Myers-Briggs

Lawdog posted today about the MBTI, which, like him, until I went to grad school I figured was a crock. ....then I took the test.

HOLY COW! No one has ever pigeon-holed me before, and I've posted on the topic before (here), but each time I look myself up (ENTJ-1.8% of the US population), I'm always re-amazed by just how accurate it is (to see my slot, check the prior story).

Most people tell me that I'm a dichotomy...it does too, but it does it in a nice way. So there.

Leave a comment of your type--I'd be interested to see what official personality both of you are (and truthfully, probably run some sort of statistical analysis on it since I am a knowledge-seeker that approaches life with a plan to organize...)

My momma said there’d be days like this, but I didn’t believe her.

Some people have the "luck of the Irish" and some people have notoriously bad luck. I usually fall somewhere in between, but yesterday turned from a dreary, crappy day to a seriously dreary comedy of errors.

On my way to lunch yesterday, a girl decided to change lanes, and got an object lesson in Newton's laws of motion, as well as the fundamental law of matter: two pieces of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time. (Only minor damage occurred, and none to me…) After getting the pertinent information from her, I took the afternoon off to take my car to get the driver's side mirror replaced. She decided to pay the cost out of pocket, so I had to fill out a TON of paperwork and hassle to make sure that the bill would, indeed, be paid. After a couple hours of this, I ended up calling Enterprise to rent a car since mine wouldn't be finished until this afternoon.

They came and picked me up and stuffed me, the 4^th and 5^th octave of Schulmerich chimes, and all of my assorted flotsam that I was taking from my car into the back seat of a PT Cruiser. The guy in the front seat was totally not amused (especially when I ended up with his stuff on my lap to make way for the chimes). By the time we leave the body shop, it is pouring rain, and we get soaked on our way into the car rental shop.

Come to find out, Enterprise has two cars available: a Kia Spectra or … the PT Cruiser we just went for a ride in. The other passenger and I look incredulously at each other and at the same time say, "Are you kidding?!?" He (thankfully) decided to take an upgrade, leaving me with the Kia Soupcan. The lady starts putting my information in the computer, and just as she finishes, there is a HUGE flash of lightning and the power goes off.

It was only off for about 5 minutes, but when it came back on, one of the agents said (and, no, I'm NOT kidding), "Wow. The computer is off. Is it safe to turn on?" After we did get her to turn her computer back on, she said, "I can't believe it came on! I KNOW I saw a huge flash right before it went off." To which I replied under my breath: "Of course. It was lightning."

The other customer started cracking up. That got her attention, so he did some fast talking to cover my ass (thank you Unknown Gentleman!).

Since it was raining, they were nice and pulled the Soupcan into the "maintenance garage" (read: a small space the size of my apartment's kitchen) to load the chimes. After much schlepping, we got the chimes into the teeny-weeny trunk and I was ready to sign the paperwork. Then we noticed the totally flat driver's side tire.

Unschlepped the chimes and loaded them into the (free upgrade) Ford Explorer. I'm on my way. Excellent. Went to lunch at 3:30 to celebrate.

I decided to go to the bank to get cash for the weekend, and my card slid out of the ATM right under the Explorer. I tried to get out to pick it up, but between my boots and my boobs, I was wedged in. The bank employees were enjoying my distress and finally, I just drove the Explorer out and walked through the ATM. It was still raining.

I went home on my way to make a recording for the band director, and as soon as I got out, God turned on the Heavenly Faucet. I got instantly drenched, and was not protected from the brutal north wind by my north-facing apartment. I opened the door, and slid on the tile into splits that would do an Olympic gymnast proud. In the process, I bent my house key, rendering my apartment open to the masses while I was out recording. Joyful.

This morning, I get a call from the girl who hit me. She thinks that we have some things in common. We're having dinner together tonight. (No, it's NOT a date. She's married.)

Does this stuff happen to anyone else? All in the same day?!? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

A shamrock for you...

Happy St. Patrick's Day, all ye lads and lassies...

A bit o' trivia for you compliments of Wikipedia: The widespread use of alcohol on St. Patrick's Day may be rooted in the fact that the Roman festival of the Bacchanalia, a celebration of the Roman deity, Bacchus, (to whom wine was sacred), was on 17 March.

Hail Bacchus. :)