Look who waltzed in...

or "ZOMG!"...
or "What to do when a shemale surprises you at work" ...

Well? What do you do? Me? I performed trout mouth.

Yes, trout mouth. You know it. It's that feeling where your jaw is locked in a full open position while flapping, making you loosely resemble a beached whale.

I was calmly working at my computer (yes, doing ACTUAL work) thinking to myself, "Self, you really need to update your blog." Then that little voice in my brain said, "We would, but there's been precious little to blog about other than how to pack a box."

Anyone who knows me that this internal conversation was the beginning of the end. Just as I got to "...box" my office door opened, and--

It's a bird!


It's a plane!



It's---



Angelique!


In person! In my office! Yes, I took those photos ladies and gents! Parading all over the office.


*I want that waistline. Damn him/her.

*BRAIN BLEACH ALERT*

There's a first time for everything.


I must admit that last night was the first time I'd ever seen someone who could use their ass for a carpenter's square. The mullet just adds class.

Don't eat at Taco Bell. This could be you.

People are depraved.

de·praved /dɪˈpreɪvd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[di-preyvd] -- adjective corrupt, wicked, or perverted.

I know this statement is nothing new, but ever so often I get blindsided by the utter stupidity of the general populace and the complete lack of respect for anyone (or anything) that pervade our "great" society. ... Some crazy nutcase has been HIRED by parents to "touch up" photos of their children (hello, DNA...your kids look like they do (whether good or bad) because of how you and your mate look). As in make them look like 80s Glamour Shots of 3-month-old Brides of Chucky. (To see some of the "improvements" by crazy nutcase lady and others click here.) Geesh. These kids are cute to start with. ... and they look like actual children. (Removing dark circles from under the eyes of a 3-month-old?!? Are you freakin' kidding me?!?)

Let us project ourselves into the future and take a look at the conversations that happen when the kids are flipping through ye ole photo album and happen to run across the original photos, then the touched up versions...

"Mom, why wasn't I ever good enough for you?"
(from the kitchen) "Why, lambkin, you are perfect just the way you are!"
"Obviously not." (Slips into depression, get committed for drug abuse, and
commits suicide. All in one day.)

To top it all off, read the series of e-mails between the nutcase and the webmaster of the site writing the story (case in point). I almost wet myself. Talk about pervasive idocy. DAMN!!!! Ladies' Man and SM II were looking at me gasping for air and trying to talk but not quite managing, wondering if I were the next victim of the Joker.