I don't know which is the best part...

Cranky Epistles: Oy, my aching ears and head.

Is the best part:
A) The opening statement, "Have you ever heard the dulcet tones of 45 long-haired cats being dry-shaved (against the grain) with dull straight razors?" (One must admit...that hooked me right there, ladies and gents.)

B) The fact that that statement was related to a music recital

C) This paragraph: "Granted, she was largely full of shit anyway, so the fact that her mouth looked like a puckered anus was appropriate."

D) Or the final line of the piece, "The person who tells me I need bigger, fake boobs, plumper lips, and an inanimate forehead better be wearing their track shoes when they do it, because I will strike up a chorus of "The Tire Iron Boogie for Douchebags in D-Major" pretty darn quickly."



GAWD, I wish I could write like that!!!


...and on which instrument does one officially play "The Tire Iron Boogie" and is it allowable to modulate? I'd really like to see it in P-flat minor with a demented ninth.