12.29.2007

Looking for love in all the wrong places?

Click on the pic to enlarge...

I don't know a lot of things, but I do know that even in Jersey, you're not going to find yours online. Someone else's, sure, but yours? Nah.



~~
Later showed this post to a friend...

Me: I can't believe this...someone actually google searched "my taint"
Him: How do you know this?
Me: it appeared in my sitemeter
Him: Aaah. Referrer listings. Score.
Him: Was your post useful in defining "My taint"?
Me: I'd sure hope not
Him: If not, you failed a user.
Gotta love friends who are sys admins... :-)


12.27.2007

It's just the holidays...

Just like everyone else, it seems that my days are too short and my task lists are too long these days.

I'm headed up to see some family next week, then on my self-proclaimed graduation trip (read: shopping spree) the week following. I'm sure that some posting will ensue, but if not, don't give up on me. I'll return in full force mid-January.

Drink some liquor for me on New Year's Eve. I'll be stuck with a couple octogenarians watching Wheel of Fortune or some such drivel...

12.19.2007

Dilbert Boren strikes again

Although I am no longer a student at the esteemed Gaylord Memorial University of Oklahoma, it has been brought to my attention that they are continuing along the path of "keep fixing it until it's broken."

We all know that graduation was canceled due to the freak ice, and some are aware that finals were screwed up too. People ended up taking finals on Sunday afternoon, Saturday night, and apparently, January 14? This is posted on their homepage:

All Students To Follow Modified Class Schedule Monday, January 14
The first day of the Spring 2008 semester Monday, January 14, 2008, is reserved to allow students to complete Monday, December 10th RESCHEDULED finals from the fall semester.

Classes on Monday, January 14 are cancelled, EXCEPT FOR those classes regularly scheduled to meet once a week on Mondays. Those classes will be moved one time only to Friday, January 18th at their regularly scheduled times. The location will be the same unless posted here. Times and locations will also be listed on OU’s Online Enrollment Web page. In the rare situation that you have conflicting classes on Friday, you should attend the Monday class on Friday.


Considering that most undergrads seem to have difficulty understanding BASIC concepts (this paper is due on Friday. Yes, Friday. Monday is not equal to Friday.)...one must wonder about the thought process that led to this particular proclamation. I think that my friend that alerted me (my choir director) and I are going to take lawn chairs to the oval and sell tickets to fund a heater for the choir room (a.k.a. Methodist Meat Locker) at the church.

12.18.2007

HAH! Mine too!

This is really funny...

...as a fellow blogger quoted (Fatale Abstraction),

Don't be messin' with Rita Moreno.
She's bad.
She's at least two nations wide.

---------------
ADDENDUM --

OMG! It gets even better:
I was thinking "damn, Rita is smokin' hot in this video, must've been about 40-ish", so, I poked around tha Intarw3bz and found out she was at or near 50 in this video! She is the only Puerto Rican actress to have won an Oscar, Golden Globe, a Tony and an Emmy-- she's a triple-threat power-house performer. And gosh, isn't it awesome to see a naturally lovely (i.e., unenhanced) rack on a female performer? Alert the media!

Rita Moreno is fierce. Animal knew what he was talking about!


That pretty much says it all, there. :-)

12.17.2007

Perspectives, Vol. II

Here are the links, if I can figure out how to type through the tears...

Part I--Lawdog
Part II--AD
Part III--Babs

Enjoy.

12.15.2007

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

One must hand it to those weathermen in Boren's pocket. Last night, about the time of my would-be graduation ceremony, we sure were socked in. With drizzle. Sometimes it was actually rain, even.

This morning, however, it is snowing. Yipee! Not that nice, wet, build a snowman and play in the snow kind of snow, but the Oklahoma version of "something white is falling from the sky, and we can't classify it as sleet, so it must be snow" kind of snow.

It's nice to know the DB has friends in high places. Wouldn't want him to be disappointed after he took a thorough beating in the media for canceling due to RAIN yesterday...at least my party will go on as scheduled (which I'm sure comes as no surprise to those who know me!).

12.13.2007

I wish I were more shocked than I am...

I found out at 5:02 this afternoon that the powers that be decided to CANCEL GRADUATION for those of us planning to graduate this semester because the weather forecast is calling for snow tomorrow night and Saturday.

An inch of snow.

Are you effing kidding me?!? If I can haul my ass through ice (after which most of the area STILL doesn't have electricity, Esteemed University notwithstanding) to get to where I need to go, I'm pretty sure that an inch of snow is NOT going to stop me from attending graduation if I desire. Good ole' Boren has now deprived my granny of pics of me getting my Master's degree. The news is making fun of him all over the place, and I for one, think it's in fairly poor taste to cancel graduation for everyone in order to keep a few people off the roads. Actually, I'm fairly certain that had those people decided not to come to the ceremony, they wouldn't have attended. Leave your bureaucracy crap out of it and let the show go on.

And the timing of the missive from the old alma mater? Priceless. Just late enough that the news gets it on the air, and no one has opportunity to complain in person because the offices are closed for the day.

Nothing like the university coming to bite me in the ass one last time. Yesterday I paid $50 for my cap, gown, and hood. Cox, meet OU. OU, Cox. The goat is my personalized gift to you, free of charge.

12.12.2007

Due to immense whining from the offended party...

go check out Dave's artistic photos of the ice storm. www.barefootclown.net

Some on the home page, others in the gallery.




Is that good enough for you, Chopped Liver? ;-)

12.11.2007

Ice Storm Footage

We had a massive ice storm last night, and now that my power is back on (and my econ exam is FINISHED!) I've uploaded some photos of my apartment complex.

There are many places in the metro area that look worse than this, but pretty much all of town is at least this bad. Many people will be without power for a week according to the news...and it's supposed to get worse before it gets better.

Tomorrow (if I have work), I'll have to have a pickaxe to get into my car. There is no force on the planet that will open the doors! It has ice from yesterday topped off with ice from today on it. Ugh.




This is the view from my front door...


This is in front of my front door...



















Entrance to the complex...


Entrance to the complex a


12.09.2007

ECON SUCKS

Just in case anyone was wondering, economics sucks. Took 10 pages to solve this problem numerically and in prose, and this is the goal...GRR. (Click on it to enlarge)


12.07.2007

It's so close I can taste it...

I attended my last class EVER last night. Yes, assuming I choose not to do a doctorate, or go to law school, or any of that (and the answer is "maybe in 10 years")...

One more exam to write and email to the prof, and I'm done forever.

It's like being in prison and looking out the front gate on the day before you're supposed to be let out*...






*at least this is what I think it would be like. I have never been imprisoned, so I cannot vouch for the accuracy of this statement. If you can, please let me know. :-)

12.05.2007

Well, NOW they tell me...

Goal: the Admiration of all. Capitalize upon it, even?

12.04.2007

Thoughts on Pier 1

This post began as a rant, and ended with me being pleasantly surprised...

On Friday, I went to Pier 1 to purchase some incredibly cool dishes...When I went to purchase the dishes, however, several things occurred that made me not want to buy anything in the store...this is the complaint I lodged to the company online:

On Friday around 5pm, I went into this store to purchase a set of dishes and glassware. I was excited to see a sale sign sitting directly in front of both the black and white colors of dishware that I was shopping for, and I assumed that since the sign did not cite any exclusions that the dish style was on sale. I chose my eight place settings and took them to the counter, where I was told by a very pleasant associate that only the black ones were on sale, even though the white ones had a sign directly in front of them stating the sale prices (see above). She offered to let me talk to her manager, and I agreed.

The assistant manager was on duty and he and I went to the dishes in question, to which I asked why the white weren't on sale. At this point, he told me, "The sign clearly says "Espresso," so only the black are on sale. We've had trouble with this before, so the company began putting the color on the signs, and besides, we can't control when people move the signs."

I understand the concept behind what he told me. I have worked retail extensively, and I am keenly aware that there are people who will take advantage in any way possible. My concerns, however, are twofold:

Firstly, there were two colors of dishes on display: black and white. I am a discriminating person when it comes to colors and signage, and never did it seem to me that the sign saying "Quadrado Espresso" was in fact saying "Dish Style Black." To me, the title of the sign was the style of dishes since there was no difference in the appearance of the words to differentiate color from style. Had the ASM stopped at this explanation, I would have been upset at the bad signage, but I would have made my $250 purchase of dishes and glasses rather than leaving the store.

My second concern comes from the remainder of the conversation I had with the ASM. He was very pleasant, but when he told me that they had no control over people moving signs, I was mildly offended at his delivery. When he repeated it to me on three separate occasions in the course of the conversion, it became more and more apparent that he believed that I had moved the signs in order to ask for the cheaper price.

This offended me greatly, as I pride myself on being honest and upright in my business dealings. I refuse to deal with someone who for all intents and purposes, whether intentionally or not, calls me a liar to my face. Additionally, I find it to be in poor taste that Pier 1 has chosen to believe the worst about its customer base and has used that belief to determine management and marketing practices. Had I been treated with respect and courtesy, I would have made a rather large purchase rather than leaving Pier 1 empty-handed.
Well, the company did well to surprise me by returning this email to my inbox this afternoon:

Please allow us to apologize for any inconvenience you encountered during your recent visit to Pier 1 Store #xxxx located in xxxxxx. Our goal is to make shopping at Pier 1 a fun experience, and it is important for us to know if our customers are not satisfied.

We have spoken with the Store Manager and he would like to offer his apologies as well on behalf of the store. As we hope you have seen on previous visits, this is not our usual customer experience.

The manager regrets that the sale sign for the Espresso Dinnerware was partially under the while color. We assure you that the ASM in no way meant to imply you personally had moved the signs purposefully and we apologize for any inference. The signs are easy to move and are often slid over to allow easier access to items, or get bumped during normal shopping, etc. We certainly don't feel our customers as a whole are less than forthright.

In appreciation of your patience in this matter the manager would like to offer you 20% off an entire purchase of regular price merchandise, not limited to the white dinnerware. To take advantage of this offer, please contact him and he will be happy to assist you in this matter. The store phone number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx and his schedule is included below for your convenience:

Tuesday 12/4 until xxxx PM
Wednesday 12/5 until xxxx PM
Thursday and Friday until xxxx PM
Saturday until xxxx PM

Thank you again for sharing your feedback. We know it is because of customers like you, who take the time to write, that we are able to improve for the future.
Certainly more than I expected, but it (mostly, not counting Wally World, previous post excepted) renews my faith in large retail corporations...

12.03.2007

God works in mysterious ways

Tonight has been a strange night. I got home and parked by the mailboxes to check the mail. Expecting nothing too exciting, I opened up my missives…junk…coupons…credit card bill. OK. It normally sucks, but this has been a good month :rip: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! Over a thousand dollars! EEEP! Crap. There went Christmas presents. Apparently, my hotel and flights to Chicago after Christmas cleared two months early. Knew about the flights…not the hotel. Oh well. I'll scrounge it up somehow—I always seem to.

Get back into my car, turn the key, and … nothing. No lights, no clicks, just dead silence. Great. What next? Call friend X, in class. Call friend Y, voice mail. No local friends left, so here's to AAA. While waiting for the wrecker to come attempt to jump my car to life, I hiked the distance of the complex in my dress clothes (more importantly, my dress shoes with five inch heels) to get to my apartment to change.

The wrecker calls to say they've found my car, so I hike back, and lo and behold, jumping it works. Now the car's running…what to do? Go fix it for real. I went to the place down the street to have the battery checked since it was massively corroded, but they attempted to charge me $42 to hook it up to the machine to check it. Excuse me? Do I look that blonde? (DON'T YOU DARE answer that!) Thankfully, I had the foresight to leave the car running while checking this out, so I hauled myself over to Wally World keeping every possible appendage crossed that they would still be open.

Yippee, they were! I pulled in and asked the guy if he could check the battery, and he said that he could, so I asked him if it cost $42. He looked askance at me and replied, "Uh, no?" I told him the story of the neighboring place, and his response was eloquent: "SHIT!" My thoughts exactly. The battery ended up being totally dead, and I asked if he could fix it while I waited, mentally calculating the cost of the battery plus the credit card bill minus a month's worth of Ramen…and coming up negative. Boo.

After the battery was installed, I took the receipt in to the cashier, a little skeptical since the mechanic had told me to make sure to have the cashier to look at the receipt. (Um, OK?) I told the cashier, he played with the cash register for a bit, and I was on my way. For free. Apparently, the mechanic wrote it up somehow that made the math work. I don't know if he was looking for a date or just taking pity on me, but he'll probably never know exactly how heartfelt my thanks really were.

11.30.2007

Stream of Consciousness...

I'll apologize in advance in this post. When I come out of my stress-induced stupor, I'll probably rewrite it, but you'll just have to make do for now. This has been a rather strange week. In addition to meeting myself coming and going while burning the candle in the middle too, I've met Herr Governor (and didn't make an ass of myself) and I'm stressing over finals. *Sigh.* It will all be over soon. (14 days to be exact, not that I'm counting.)


My trusty internet at home is (again) broken (that's why it's trusty--I can always trust that it won't be functional) and has been broken since the week before Thanksgiving when the guy came to "fix" it, after which it worked for 6 hours. They're coming out again tomorrow morning. I've looked into alternative internet sources, but apparently Cox is the only provider in my complex, aside from Billy Jim Bob's Redneck Internet Service. Damn. As a friend noted today about Cox, "some know how to use 'em and some don't." Couldn't have said it better myself. :-)


In the vein of the previously posted bottle orchestra, we apparently have a bottle soloist. I have many questions about this performance, including (but not limited to) the following:
(a) What was the inspiration that culminated with "and I think that I'll attach beaters to my skates and play music. By moving past a bunch of tuned bottles."
(b) How did he get the bottles to be aligned just so for rhythm?
(c) How'd he tune the chords?
(d) Where does he practice?
(e) Why don't the bottles break?


I've gotta start studying. If I don't, I won't be graduating in two weeks because I'll fail a core course, and that would make me a very unhappy person.


In the meantime, I leave you all with this. Special for Santa and the other Elf-let. Because you're both on the top of my list!

11.27.2007

Now, THIS audition is calling my name...

LOL! I don't play in an orchestra because there's not a big call for clarinet players in my neck of the woods...but I think that this is an orchestra that I could get into!!!


Beer Ad

11.26.2007

*blubbering* Are you KIDDING?!?

I was just summoned into the Lair de High Goddess. Understandably, this happens often, but today, I was summoned thrice. The first two times were for basic workday items--layouts, questions, etc. The third time, I was confused as to why I was going, as all the questions had been previously answered. I get into her office, and alas, she is in a meeting with the Chief Underling. Hmm. I was ushered in (shock!), and was then asked if I would mind representing the Honorable Agency in a meeting with the governor on Thursday. At this point, I looked behind me to make sure High Goddess was indeed addressing me.

Holy shit, I have to go clothes shopping! I have a meeting with the executive directors of four state agencies, the governor of our beloved state, his Chief Underling, and myself in exactly 92 hours!!! EEEP!

11.21.2007

Well, would you?

Since the other version of this is broken now, let's try this one.

Happy Pre-Christmas.

In the spirit of commercialism, crappy advertising, and overwhelming need to consume, start your holiday season out right. At least if you listen to this before you go shopping, you'll be smiling, and I won't have to deal with you ramming me with a shopping cart. I do my Christmas shopping during Advent. Duh. (Not in July, not on Halloween Eve, and surely not the day after Turkey Day.)

Eat a lot, enjoy the family, and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Remembering the Old(er) Days

This brings back memories of Grandma's house in the summertime. Sorry, mom. I know it's been 20 years, but you probably just got this song out of your head. :)

(Now I'm going to be jammin' all day to the Rubber Duck...damn.)

11.19.2007

View from the office

Many of you have asked about my office at some point or other. Here are pics of the office and the view from the office. Enjoy! (I do daily!)




11.15.2007

The New Village People

This is so wrong. So so wrong. But I'm going there anyway.

Compliments of Brad.

If I had a nickel...

for every time this happened in class, I'd have a nickel.

OMG. Class was pretty much over at this point.

At least it was the freakin' hilarious prof, and not the Engrish prof...made my whole life worthwhile for almost a minute.

Cox anytime

I now officially have my very own personal Cox phone directory. Anytime, anywhere, I have the personal direct line of the state-wide tech manager. Sunday night at 4 am? Angel's got me covered. Wednesday at 11 am? Brian's there for me. Just go across the day and down the time, and a phone number is at my fingertips. Woot. Brian/Becky/Angel/Your Mother is sending out the "holy crap, it's still not fixed" team tomorrow morning.

We'll see if they fall into their own category.


...if you found this post because you thought it was "Cocks anytime," shame on you. You have to call (405) 600-8282 for that.

11.13.2007

Huh?

I'm not sure how familiar you all are with gmail, but there is something that has bothered me for a long time that I just now realized should appear on this august site. (right. That's not where the huh? comes in though...)

When you look at the Gmail inbox, you see across the top (yellow) and down the right side (red) ads and other such links that apply to whatever you happen to be looking at. If the message is about music, so are the ads, etc. This doesn't particularly bother me, since for the most part, the yellow links are about nifty add-ons to gmail or other non-obtrusive type things...


But when you look in your spam folder, the random-seeming links become topic-oriented. SPAM. As in every time I open that folder, I see something like this. I now know more recipes using spam than any single person should know. (I think that a single recipe would qualify for this award, but you know what I mean...)


Come to think of it, I just did the same thing looking in my trash folder.



Geesh, Google. Create a program that attaches itself to email that will automatically determine if (a) I like spam, and (b) upon the assumption that "No" is the response to (a), filter out all links that deal with the food version. I'd appreciate it a lot. Thanks.

And you thought playing the nose flute was cool...

The Most Bizarre Musical Instrument on Earth

Just wow. How'd they do that?!?

11.12.2007

Taking Dallas by storm

Happy Holiday! Woot! ... it's 9:00 p.m. and my internet finally is alive after 5 days of being dead. Reincarnation of inanimate objects is a fine and wonderful thing...

Anyway, you probably know that other than www-wise, I've been incommunicado this weekend. I went to the big D for a bell gig, loved it, and took pictures of a fountain outside my fantastic hotel. Enjoy! (Click on the images for a full-screen shot.)













11.08.2007

…remembering threats of goats in days past

So I went over to Crystal's place and found this post…(class 4 beverage alert, btw, as usual)…

I was then encouraged by the devil on my shoulder to waste spend a little time by surfing for gnome catchers online. What I found was this. PRICELESS! The letter posted below is to be sent to any member of the general populace who has the misfortune fabulous decorating taste to play host to a garden gnome:


Letter to Gnome Captor

Gnome Slave Owner,

We deplore your treatment of gentle woodland creatures, and your total disregard for the basic principles of liberty.

Your moral bankruptcy is evidenced by your acts of wanton recklessness and the deliberate use of coercive force and terror tactics against gentle and innocent creatures.

It has come to our attention that a Gnome is being held captive in your garden. We do not, as a rule, negotiate with terrorists, however, we request that he be released immediately. Already your actions have prompted copycat offenses, which we have witnessed, including the deplorable use of a Gnome as a hood ornament.

We understand that you probably were not responsible for the innocent Gnome's original capture but rather purchased him from a Gnome slave trafficker like a garden center or craft show. Please understand that we are not holding you responsible for the state of Gnome slavery in America.

We are, however, asking you to put an end to your involvement. Do the responsible thing; free your Gnome today.

FreetheGnomes.com has specially trained caseworkers who will gladly work with you toward the goal of returning your Gnome to the northern woodlands from where he came. Please contact us today at FreeMe@FreeTheGnomes.com.

Although American law currently permits you to keep a Gnome in slavery, we believe it to be morally reprehensible. We hope that upon honest reflection, you will agree.

Stop Oppressive Gardening. Free the Gnomes.

Thank you,

Your Name Here

AMEN, sister!!!

A Gentleman's C: I'm a passive-aggressive bitch, Bitch.

Because here, we're partially edumacated.

cash advance

Cash Advance Loans




...though there is one notable exception I know of...the perpetual undergrad. (Love ya!)

11.07.2007

Pet Peeve #28H

...or, Think Before You Speak.

Those of you who know me know that the way today's people communicate in a professional setting has a great tendency to piss me off. Though there are several grammatical faux pas that come to mind, I am currently sitting behind the #28H pet peevert, and I'm trying VERY HARD to not kick him every time he says "you know" ... no, I don't know. If I knew you wouldn't have to tell me, now would you?

Well, you know, the you know manager decided to you know even out the you know playing field, so he looked into the you know overseas market and you know brought you know another expatriate into the you know company.


Holy Mother of Jesus. Are you kidding?!? (This is not exaggerated. I copied it straight from the voice recorder I had used in class...) This was a 10-second clip from a 45-second response containing 24 uses of the phrase "you know." No shit.

Without the filler words, the 45-second response could have been clipped to a mere 15 seconds. Considering that this guy responds approximately five times per class, he spends around 1 minute and 15 seconds filling his speech while he thinks about what to say next. Extrapolating to the whole semester, he has permanently stolen 18.75 minutes of my life. Assuming that I had never been in class with him before, that's the equivalent of eating lunch. Grr.

Scientists have long known that using filler words is a worldwide linguistic anomaly. Each language has its own vocalization syllables, but in English most people say um, er, or uh (or most commonly these days: LIKE). My professor for my undergraduate Music History classes (five semesters of him...) was nicknamed Captain Um. On average, we'd fill a letter-sized sheet of paper with tick marks in the span of a single lecture.

So why do people use filler words? Scientists believe it is to keep the listener listening instead of attempting to speak. The second reason is to let your brain think about what you want to say next.

This comes straight from the White House (no commentary on the monkey in office, please) by the leader of the free world:

Discussing Social Security at a March 21, 2006, White House news conference, the leader of the free world used these words to describe a recent crisis: “The system,” the president declared, “was about to, like, fall into the abyss.” Later in the news conference, Bush gave his take on the current situation in Iraq: “There are other voices coming out of Iraq, by the way, other than Mr. Allawi--who I know, by the way, like, he's a good fellow.”

Geez, people. Listen to yourselves. And use the top half of your head to ward off the idiocy the bottom half spews.

...or, Think Before You Speak.

11.06.2007

A singing purple hippo and an orange dog

I think the title says it all.

Looking for needles

I went browsing at the blogger awards, and found this incredible photoblog. I know that several of you share my love of photos, so I give you this link...Deceptive Media.

(In)famous?

Well, according to my nifty little sitemeter, I've been getting some new traffic. :-)

Welcome to my humble internet abode, and feel free to look around, but ignore the dust. My friends know that they come to see me, not my house, so have a good time, come back often, and let me know what you are thinking.

11.05.2007

Dusting off the old soapbox

My soapbox was getting lonely, and I had a little time on my hands. I decided to peruse the internet, giver of wonderful things, and found THIS. From this article, we get the following important information:
1. I think that the fact that a group of their peers decided that it was not okay to wave signs at someone's funeral decrying their life is spectacular. Let the judgment of life come from your creator, not your neighbor.
2. The fact that the ruling will be appealed is a no-brainer. The restitution is over three times the value of the church's assets. Duh. Such a pity that it is.

The fact of the matter is that a man died while in service to the United States of America. What does the pastor of the church that led the rally have to say about the whole thing? "[The ruling is] going to be reversed in five minutes," he said. This case, he added, "will elevate me to something important," as it draws more publicity to his cause.

Because this case is clearly about you, Herr Crazy Church Founder.

...and now for the liturgical portion of this afternoon's message...

Take this in the context that it's offered: my church does this, other churches do this, and apparently Herr Crazy Church Founder does this too, by his above message.

Let me begin by giving two definitions, taken from the Random House Dictionary...
1. Liturgy: n. a particular arrangement of services; or a collection of formularies for public worship
2. Worship: n. reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred; v. to render religious reverence

Nowadays, when one attends church, it is with an expectation of entertainment. My assistant pastor is one of the worst about this; he is always catching the worship committee with questions like, "Why do we sing so much slow music?" or "I want to sing faster stuff."

This would be moderately acceptable coming from a parishioner, but from staff? Nay. In becoming staff at a church, one understands the difference between "going to church" and "attending worship" -- there is a reason we call what we do "WORSHIP." Namely, it is because we focus on revering God and reflecting our obedience to Him in ALL that we do. When the body of Christ comes together to worship, not everyone will have his or her way each Sunday. I'll be the first to tell you that every song that comes out of my piano is NOT one of my favorites. I hate "Victory in Jesus," but I suck it up and play it for the sake of those in the congregation who aren't as averse to it as I.

The comment from the preacher in the article just riles me up. Mister, you are a pastor. This presumably means that you have some kind of education, even if it is only from the Online Seminary. You, of all people in the world, should understand that worship is about God, not about you. Anything you do that brings your church into the limelight for acting from whims of man is NOT God's intention. Waving anti-gay signs at a worship service of respect for the dead is NOT a method by which to ingratiate yourself to God. A wedding, just as a funeral, is a WORSHIP service, honoring members of God's holy church in special times of their lives. Scripture is read, His name is invoked, and people are, in this case, comforted by knowing that their son is in a better place. It is not your right to judge that person (whom you never knew as a living soul) by condemning his lifestyle at the worship service commemorating his life.

And doing so and expecting to get public support for your church is a whole new level of depravity that I don't even want to touch.

Sir, as a Christian and a fellow church staff member, I am ashamed to call you my brother in Christ. I won't judge you, but just remember that Jesus told his followers that the most important concept of any is to love each other as yourself, and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

If this is your conception of brotherly love, don't bother.

I'm an aunt!

Aww. Burrito Loco is here. :-) Baby Gap, here I come.

Congrats, bro. (...and give me a damn picture so I can post it instead of a link!)

10.31.2007

'Tis Samhain

...or All Hallow's Eve, or the first evening of Hallowmas, or Halloween, depending on your brand of history and religion.

Whatever your persuasion, celebrate wisely and well.

Boo.

10.30.2007

Proving a theory

...one of my new co-workers has a plaque on her desk that states, "THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH TIME UNLESS YOU'RE SERVING IT."

Theory proven.

10.25.2007

A Little Linky Love

I just came across this blog, and I would do just about anything to reach out to the author and kiss her for taking "grammar" into her own "hands" ...

Let's Take Votes...

for the most disturbing aspect of this video. Is it

(A) the anthropomorphic U,
(B) the random 30 second shot of Smokey's crotch,
(C) the fact that this whole thing appeared on Sesame Street (presumably around the same time as "Would You Like to Buy an O"),
(d) the fact that when you put this song together with the other, you get something that looks like "U've Got Me, so Would You Like an O?"
(e) All of the Above.

Tally in comments...

10.24.2007

A Whole New Life

With this new job, it's like a whole new me. I actually enjoy going to work (so far) and like what I've been doing...it's great! Now my snark is reserved for those who desperately need to be on the receiving end of it. Like the crazy woman who tried to run over my car on the interstate yesterday. She was driving a Tahoe and ended up running over the car in front of her (a Tercel) instead...then, after she mauled that car, she started backing up! Uh, no?!? I started yelling and honking and making a general ruckus about this time, and she landed about a half inch from my front bumper. Had she hit me and I gotten a ticket because I'm in Oklatucky and we have a no-fault law, I'd have come out swinging.

In other news, my Sooners have an off week this week. Woot! Now I can get some serious stuff done around the old homestead. Except for the meeting all day Saturday to wrap up my old job...and the all day Sunday music extravaganza... Alas. Friday will be a veritable marathon of activity preparing for next week (aka WEEK FROM HELL) due to school issues...so strap on, we're going into high gear.

Stick with me. Back to regularly scheduled snark soon.

10.22.2007

Work!

Sweet! I went to work today and did more than attend!

I love my new office. It has windows that I can look out over the smokers and giggle, or I can ignore them as I see fit. The best part is they're just outside my window, but they can't see in unless I'm right at the window being overtly obnoxious. Excellent. Let the games begin.

For those in the area, Sunday is the all-music service that I'm working on...it's gonna be a whale of a great time for all involved, so bring yourselves in your preferred Sunday gear to hear/see/play/sing great music.

As of now, that's my life. Getting along in my new job, and getting this service figured out. See you on the flip side of Sunday (unless I have another fit with the Sooners on Saturday...). I'll try to get back before then, but don't count on it.

10.20.2007

An Open Letter

God,

This is Clarinazi. Remember me? The musician who plays your praises on Sunday mornings, after her Sooners win on Saturday nights? Yes, that's the one...me. Well, I don't particularly appreciate the game you've been playing these last two weeks. I understand that I should attend the game faithfully when the Sooners are in town, but when they're away, that's just not feasible. I understood last week when your countenance frowned upon my decision to do other work rather than attend the game, but this week, attendance wasn't an option! Please God, just let me be able to watch my Sooners games again without jinxing my team. I really enjoy screaming at the TV, but for good reasons rather than ill. I'm not asking for you to smile upon your servant, I'd just appreciate it if the little crimson and cream cloud you have permanently attached over my head would become black and orange.

Always your good and faithful servant,

Clarinazi

10.19.2007

Cox Watch, Day 4

Well, my internet was fixed on Wednesday, broke again on Friday, was fixed on Saturday, broke Monday night, and was fixed yesterday afternoon. Let the countdown roll to zero and begin again. We're working on 12 hours so far, as it was still up and running when I left this morning...

I'm spending all my vacation hours and phone minutes on Cox. Maybe I should start billing them.

(But the guy who came out yesterday was HYSTERICAL...made it almost bearable.)

No threat. HAH!

So I googled the spidey friend, and according to the internet, they pose no danger to people. HAH! Tell that to the emergency doc while I'm recovering from a heart attack.

10.18.2007

Who said I need a starter dog?

When I have this thing hangin' on my patio door.

(Yes, that's my thumb. From three feet away.)

(and yes, those are the slats of the vertical blinds...)

10.17.2007

Cost-Benefit Analysis for Dummies

As I sit in my ::yawn:: class, my mind once again turns to things that piss me off. A long-term rant that I have held near and dear is one of required college classroom attendance. Although I am in my last semester of graduate school, this concept, and the pervasive lack of cognizant thought that has been put into the reasoning behind it, has been driven home more than any other semester.

So what is the basis of this rant? In universities worldwide, professors of undergraduate programs have some type of attendance policy for their classes. In the case of the lower-division coursework (classes taken freshman and sophomore years of school), I think that this is justified by the professor feeling the obligation to force the students to *appear* responsible. By the time the 18-year-olds are twenty or so and in upper-division classes, attendance should be working its way toward optional in many courses.

The system really falls apart in graduate school. As graduates, we are all at least partially educated and purportedly lead semi-autonomous lives. A large majority of students are paying their own tuition, and are generally self-reliant. Why is it then, that about 95% of the graduate professors have the following attendance policy:

“You are allowed two absences during the semester for any reason, including family and job-related issues. Each additional absence will result in dropping your final grade by one letter. There will be ABSOLUTELY NO exceptions.” (emphasis original)

Excuse me, but am I a responsible adult? With a(t least one) full-time job? Am I not paying my own tuition?

Given the answers to the above questions, I should feel obligated to attend class. I should not be required to attend. If I feel that my continued attendance is positively correlated with my goal(s) for the class (whether they be "get the hell out" or "make an A"), I shall plant my happy ass in the desk at every available opportunity and participate in the discussion with almost religious fervor. If, however, I believe that my time and energies are better served by taking my person elsewhere during regular class time, the choice to attend or not should be mine to make.

An example of the (lack of) effectiveness of required attendance is demonstrated by my classes this semester. My first class is taught by an international professor (see prior posts about my Engrish prof), and attendance is mandated by the above-quoted policy. He teaches about three slides per night, and goes over and over and over them...My second class is taught by an adjunct professor whose teaching tools include his brain and a piece of chalk. He never uses power point, doesn't teach from notes, nothing. His attendance policy is stated as, "I don't give a flying rat's ass whether you come late, leave early, or skip and don't come at all."

Boys and girls, guess the attendance patterns of my classes. ... You'd be right. No one misses the second class. We're all invested in learning. If I had the option, my seat in the first class would never be warmed by my body.


Grr.

10.15.2007

SWEET!!!

I got a promotion!

More info when I get done doing a happy dance.

10.14.2007

Goldfish

I suck. I went to NC, ate Kit-Kats and Goldfish. Now, I'm sitting at home by myself snarfing Goldfish like they're going out of style. At this rate, someone will have to bring a crane to haul my hefty ass out of this computer chair. Stupid carb addiction. GRR!


In other news, we are approaching hour 48 of the Cox-is-a-pain-in-the-ass-and-when-will-my-internet-break-again watch party. Stay tuned, boys and girls.

10.13.2007

Cox can nibble my 'taint.

or "Asshats at Large"
or "Pwned"
or "Girl Hammered by Cox"

This post is rated for language, nudity, violence, and sex with animals.


I moved into my new apartment on September 15 (and those of you who live within driving distance who still haven't seen it, shame on you). As of September 16, I have not had 24 consecutive hours of internet service (and sometimes no TV either). The techie has been here so many times he raps a pattern on the door and comes on in. Then he waves at my magic elf box, and all is healed. Pisses me off.

Additionally, they screwed up the account from whence I came so that mom's TV and mine were having wild monkey sex instead of actually tuning in to regularly scheduled programming. My former home phone number that was to remain at mom's disappeared into the wild blue yonder, and my internet service has been solely on my Palm, compliments of the asshat who lives next door with an unsecured wireless.

After coming home from DB on Tuesday evening chagrined to learn that my internet was (again) broken, I called Cox to have it fixed. They told me that they could fix it today (Saturday for those who don't have a calendar handy). I (in quite colorful terms, I assure you) told them that my life didn't work that way and they would fix it on Wednesday morning. First thing. After talking to the manager and getting nowhere, I talked to his manager. This one seemed to be less of an fucktard than the rest, so I immediately pressed my advantage.

Me: "Sir, would you please do me a favor?"
Cox Tool: "What can I do?"
Me: "Look up this account and my prior account (that is still linked to this one since it's still active), and tell me how long the account I'm calling about has been active."
CT: "It looks like you've been active since September 14."
Me: "That sounds about right. Could you please look up how many incoming complaint calls you've had on those two accounts since that date?"
CT: "It looks like there have been close to 20."
Me: "Understanding that I've been out of state for the past six days, do you see a problem here?"
CT: "Yes, miss, I do. We'll have someone out between 10 and 12 on Wednesday."
Me: "Thanks."

Techie comes to visit...it's all better. Until last night. I get home from a long day at work (where I actually WORKED, wonder of wonders), and lo and behold, my internet is broken. I make my nightly Cox phone call, and the lady who answered the phone didn't even have a chance:

Cox Tool #2: "Thank you for choosing Cox, my name is Sherita, how can I help you?"
Me: "Could I speak to your manager?"
CT2: "Miss, I have to go through your problem before I can forward the call."
Me: "Sherita, I am here to tell you that you don't want to do that. This is my 17th call in 15 days, and I'm rather hacked, and it's not your fault, so put me through to your manager."
CT2: "Right away, miss."
::crickets::
::crickets::
::crickets::
Manager Tool: "You're having a problem?"
Me: "Why, yes, I am. AGAIN."
MT: "Could you describe it to me?"
Me: "Of course. It all started when I decided to use Cox as my service provider."
... ... same ole convo ensued.
MT: "Well, miss, we can come out tomorrow morning (would have been this morning) between noon and two to rectify the situation."
Me: "Two things, Bucky. (1) Noon-2 is NOT morning. I want someone here at 8:00 am. (2) The dictionary definition of rectify is to permanently fix. So far, the only "rect" that I have seen in your service and technical support is the one that is holding up your ass. I want a guarantee that this problem will be solved PERMANENTLY by 8:00a.m.
MT: "I'm sorry you feel that way, miss, but we can't do that. The first available time is noon."
Me: "Since my internet is broken, my TV doesn't work, and you're hanging on the other end of my phone, would you do me a favor?"
MT: "Sure, miss."
Me: "Could I have the phone number for SBC?"
MT: "I'm sorry, I don't have that number available."
Me: "Pity. You'll waste a service call for nothing. I'll call you back at 2 tomorrow to let you know what that number is. Do you happen to have the number for your manager?"
MT: "He'll have to call you back. I have to fill out paperwork to have him call you."
Me: "Excellent. Have him call me this evening."
MT: "He will call you within two hours."
Me: "Perfect."


Exactly 15 minutes later, the manager calls. By this time, I've cooled down a bit. We get my internet up and running again, and he gives me his name, the hours he works, and his personal direct phone number. I love you, Angel. In a world full of asshats, I'll tip my hat to you. Thanks.



Thank you for choosing Cox. We're the most aptly named business in the industry. Looking for a good time? Call (405) 600-8282.

This blows a goat.

This morning my sister called to see if I wanted to go to the game. I said that I had stuff to do (and I do), so I stayed home and would watch on TV... So I settle in to watch my Sooners dominate Mizzou. ... If you'll notice the time stamp of this post, and look into the time the game ended, you'll realize that not only is it not over, the previous post was also made during the first quarter. God has a sick sense of humor:

Kickoff. Mizzou gets nowhere. We get the ball. Fumble, Mizzou scores. 7-0 Mizzou. Damn.

I decide after another touchy play that I'm not in it for the suspense and go to Wal-Mart to get groceries. Return to the car to find out via Bob Barry that the Sooners are now ahead by a TD and a FG. Sweet.

Go home, turn the TV back on, go to get the laundry from the washer, look in on the game for a few minutes, then Mizzou scored. Crap. I'm seeing a pattern here.

This continues until the 4th quarter, when I give up my personal watching pleasure so that Bob Stoops won't have an aneurysm. When I turned off the TV, the score was 23-24 Mizzou. Within five minutes of turning it off, I get a text from my brother telling me that the score is now 34-23 OU.

OK, God, I get the message. Just let the Sooners win already, and I swear I won't give away tickets in order watch another football game at home again EVER.



**As an aside, maybe I should cash in on this ability in the future. Omnipotence could be a groovy ride for a while.

DB 2008

So the stories from Distinctly Bronze abound, but I'll share this one, as I think it's the funniest for the most people...

We were playing the Waltz from Serenade for Strings by Tchaikovsky (you've heard it before...click here). It's in the running for the hardest piece I've ever played on bells, and we were having quite the time with it sucking horribly. Finally, we gave up for the day, and the next morning when we got to rehearsal, the director had a gift on his stand.

It was a home-made doll that had the following note on it

Whenever things don't go so well...
And you want to hit the wall and yell...
Here's a little dammit doll
That you can't do without.
Just grasp it firmly by the legs
And find a place to slam it
And as you whack the stuffing out
Yell, "DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!"

...
which was great, but the funniest part was that it was gift wrapped. In the cover for Waltz. HAH!!!

In other news, here are some photos from the event. I have tons of myself, but you'll have to see them on my facebook page.

My newest friends. We hung out a lot. Love these ladies!!!

My old friend. They're the best...


The whole group during rehearsal. (112 ringers)


The littlest and the (not quite) biggest

The town was gorgeous. Very old and historical. Great food.

If you want to see more photos, let me know, and I'll send them your way.

This is one that pretty much describes the airlines today. I was on the plane in 95 degree weather at BWI, and this was outside my window with no one within 150 yards. Everyone was successfully ignoring it...



Nice.

10.10.2007

Shamelessly lifted from AD...

This was too funny to pass up...I swear I'll get back to the serious blogging later. Promise!

WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES?

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Blondie Civic

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Chocolate Almond Chocolate Chip (nickname: Chalmonchip)

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
MWoo .... I love LIW's: AHoh HEE HEE HEE

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Black Dog

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Kay Watonga

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Wooma

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Red Tea

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Gene Louis

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
Euphoria Blossom Skittles

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Sue Neill

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
Todd Tacoma

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Autumn Rose

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + "ie" or "y")
Apple Skacksie

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Cheerio Mimosa

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Music Snow Tour


Feel free to make snarky commentary. I'm too tired to attempt it.

10.08.2007

I'm baaaack!

I've returned from the nether-regions, and am in full force once again. I had a great time, thanks for asking, and plan to go again next year if money allows. :-) A synopsis of my trip will appear here sometime tomorrow or Wednesday...depends on when I decide to not be lazy. (as if that comes as a surprise...)

9.30.2007

It's done!!!!

I can't believe it. Except for editing, the dastardly exam is finished. Roughly 60 pages, computer-generated graphs on each page in color, lots of calculus mumbo-jumbo...100 hours of effort from the group and we're done!

Suh-weet!

Bedtime!

9.25.2007

State Fair Album

Here's the rest of the not-snarky album from the State Fair...don't steal them, but look your fill!

Here's one that I played with...what do you think?

These videos are hysterical!!!

Entertain yourself for a while with this three part series....too damn funny! (The third is the funniest!)

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Birds!

My private message to the creator: What's with the birds already? Why are they evenly spaced on the wire? And why don't they fly past 36th Street?

Last night, I sallied forth from my cave o' calculus-based economics (yes, I'm still working on the exam) to purchase sustenance (read: MEAT!) from wally world. The parking lot of the mall and Wal-Mart were swarmed under by black birds (sorry, ornithology is NOT my forte), and I felt like someone out of Hitchcock's movie dodging divebombing birds. I'm talking not a few birds that seemed to converge, I'm talking every black bird in a four-state region converged. On my way home, I was stopped at a red light and was looking about at the overhead wires that were COVERED in birds...each one evenly-spaced from the others. (What causes that?!?)

Obviously the birds weren't indigenous to Oklahoma: as a new bird would land on the wire, the others would scoot over like little dominoes to make room and to re-align themselves. Had they actually been native to Oklahoma, the incoming birds would have circled indefinitely until one bird looked like it was ready to take off, then five birds would swarm the empty spot while the other birds were oblivious and didn't make room for the new bird. Additionally, native birds would have failed to signal their imminent landing and have squawked self-righteously at the birds who did obey the rules of the skywire.

Another question: why were all the birds east of 36th Street? Is there an invisible bird net that I missed? Seriously! Once I made it past the birds on a wire at 36th and Main, I was home free. Not a bird to be found for miles.

Someone has a sick sense of humor.

9.22.2007

Another State Fair

...and more pictures to boot. Here are a few of MANY that I took tonight. Enjoy.

(yes, the snarky ones will be up in a separate post...)




How many times in my life will I get to take pictures of feathers?


From the outside looking in


















I Want to be Just Like My Daddy...




Lonesome