Vignettes from Dallas

brought to you by the letter O, the number 15, Red Roof Inn, and English, the official language of Slugdom.

My choirs performed this weekend in the final concerts of the season. We had a great turnout and everyone seemed very enthusiastic, so I feel pretty good about things. The final concert was in Plano, and the following vignettes are short stories that happened while we were there.

1. The freeway.

GG and the newly-dubbed English (see #4) left the Friday night north-OKC concert to drive to Plano at 11:00 p.m. Close to their destination, around 3 a.m. the following conversation ensues:

English: "Exit Parker."
GG: *crickets*
English: "Exit Parker!"
GG: *crickets*
English: "Exit Parker!!!!"
GG: *crickets*
English: "Get off the freakin' freeway!"
GG: *Saudi sweep*

2. The hotel.

Hotel arrangements have been made since May. We were guaranteed early check-in at the Red Roof Inn, Plano. At least until we got there...

Me: "I need to check in. I have six rooms reserved under the name Clarinazi."
Desk girl: "We don't have any rooms."
Me: "I guaranteed early check in. We have a rehearsal at 3 pm and I was told LAST NIGHT that I could check my people in at 1."
DG: "We don't have any rooms available. I wasn't the one who told you that, so it's not my problem."
(cue ominous soundtrack)
Me: "You work in customer service. When you came to work today, you MADE it your problem. Can I at least have the room numbers we are going to be in to give people keys for when they get here?"
DG: "I don't know the room numbers, so I can't give you keys."
Me: "Can you not find out where your cleaning people are and give me those rooms? Could I talk to your manager?"
DG: "We don't have a manager."
Me: "Are you the CEO of the corporation? If not, you MUST have manager. District? Regional?"
DG: "Well our manager quit a couple weeks ago. Do you want to talk to our acting manager?"
Me: "Well, duh! YES!"
DG: "She's not here now."
Me: "Can you call her?"
DG: "She is at home."
Me: "Is your finger broken?"

DG called the manager. I introduced myself and explained the situation, and the following conversation is an approximate transcript.

Mgr: "We have a whole new staff. There is really nothing we can do. They tell me the hotel was abnormally busy last night, so they are cleaning rooms for you, but it will be 3 pm check-in. We cannot guarantee you early check-in, especially on a Saturday.
Me: "Well, your people DID guarantee it, so I need to get into our rooms."
Mgr: "I am sorry, but there is nothing I can do."
Me: "Do you have the corporate number that I can call to complain?"
Mgr: "I will take care of the problem on Monday."
Me: "I don't think you understand. I need the number to call and file a complaint about YOU."
Mgr: "I don't have the number. I am at home."
Me: "Which brings us to another question. Why are you at home during an abnormally busy weekend with a brand-new staff working for the first time?!?"

This gets me handed back over to the front desk clerk who has miraculously found us six clean rooms. Things go smoothly from this point, and the manager even called back to comp my room for the second night I was staying.

-to be continued...#6-

3. The concert.

The concert went exceptionally well, and I would like to re-create that space here in my home town. Whenever I get the funding that the Raleigh Ringers has and can build my OWN rehearsal/performance space, that's what I'm going to do. It is decided.

4. The language barriers.

After the concert, several of us went to a smallish pub in Plano to unwind. Admittedly, Plano has a large Hispanic population, but I wanted to become boneless and slink under the table at this monologue...

We needed water at the table, and were wearing the waitress out. Attempting to order a pitcher of water, English looks around the room, finds a Hispanic bus boy, and waves him to the table.

She then looks critically at him for a moment, points her Mommy finger at him, and says:

"ENGLISH?"

At his nod she then proceeded to order a pitcher of water, no ice. Riiiiiiiight.

"Agua?"

She resorted to hand signals.

Water. No ice.
"Glass?"
No, pitcher.

Sigh. Now I'm calling her "English" -- it just seems more fitting than appropriate sign language.

5. The great Wi-fi hunt of 2008.

After everyone else had left for the weekend, GG and I decided to hang around and go to dinner on Sunday. I desperately needed to find a Wi-fi connection for my laptop (the one in the hotel was $20) for my meeting on Monday morning. We racked our brains and came up with McDonald's as the most logical choice.

We went to McDonald's, and could connect, but the connection wouldn't work. On anything. Phone, PDA, laptop...nothing. Crap.

Next stop: English's house. She works nights, so she was asleep, and rather than potentially piss off Mr. English, we decided to park across the street and use the Wi-fi that leaked out of her house. We didn't want to be stalkers, so we did the logical thing.

We parked one door down and across the street to look like we were casing the joint instead.

To no avail.

Our next thought was that hotels would have it, so if we parked close to the lobby, we may be able to get service. We cruised over the highway and found a corner that had a Best Western, Ramada, and Holiday Inn Express close together, all with their front doors facing a common parking lot. EXCELLENT! After initial signal reads from GG, we decided that we should park in one of the handicapped spots in the front of the Ramada. It had the best service--from the Best Western. Go figure.

6. The hotel, reprise.

I checked out of the hotel Monday morning, and was asked why Bell Ringer didn't check in. I said I wasn't sure, and that I would find out.

I found out last night--Bell Ringer was told that there were no rooms listed under my name OR her name, so she didn't have a reservation.

Ye ole ears perked up, and Manager got a call this fine morning...

Me: "It's Clarinazi in OKC again. We have another problem."
Mgr: "Oh no."
Me: "Remember the girl who didn't check in? She was told that there was not a room for her under my name or hers, so she ended up driving back to north OKC, a four-hour drive, at midnight on Saturday."
Mgr: "I will credit your card immediately."
Me: "I kind of thought you'd see it my way. Have a nice day!"

I'm back home now, and will be back to scribbling if the muse allows. Glad you hung around waiting!