Way to go, Slug-ger. (Part 2)

Where Captain Compensation is incredulous at the fact that I am *mostly* educated

We have a ceremony approaching for all the officially smart high school seniors, and as part of being officially smart, each participant receives several nifty items that will sit in a box for the rest of time. One of these items is a certificate that I created. Envision your standard, go-to type certificate…now add a Caesar-type wreath logo, and that’s pretty much it.

Ring, ring…Enter Cap’n.

CC: “You’re going to have to print out the certificate and bring it upstairs to me.”
Me: “Why? I just emailed a PDF to you in color.”
CC: “Well, you know that my computer doesn’t open PDF files, and I don’t have a color printer.” (Aside: Are you effing KIDDING me?!? His computer is so adept at opening Solitaire that he doesn't even have to click the icon. It automatically starts at 8 a.m. and closes at 4:30 p.m.)
Me: “If you drag the attachment to the desktop, you should be able to open the file. That is the point behind the PDF document.”
CC: “Well, my computer just won’t open it. I’ll come down and get a copy.”
Me: “Whatever you want to do is fine.”

Enter Cap’n…literally.

CC: “Do you have the certificate printed for me?”
Me: “No. I’ve been busy in the last 20 minutes.”
Print out certificate…
CC: “I’m a little worried about the margins of the certificate. I don’t think people would be able to frame it with their diploma.” (Right. Because they’re going to.)
Me: “It’s exactly as we discussed last week, and looks identical to all my degrees and certificates, so I’m certain that framing will not be a problem.”
CC: “All your degrees?”
Me: “Yes.”
CC: “All your degrees?”
Me: “Yes, all my degrees and certificates.”
CC: “All your degrees?”
Me: “Are you deaf? Yes. All my degrees and certificates. Just as I said.”
CC: “Just how many degrees and certificates could you possibly have?”
Me: “Well, let’s see…there’s the high school diploma, which doesn’t really count for these purposes, along with the certificate that matches it from where I was Valedictorian…then there is the undergraduate degree and certificate that says I graduated from the University of Oklahoma…Magna cum laude…then there’s the Master of Business Administration and accompanying certificate that says I was top in my class in graduate school…so, not counting the various other awards I’ve received over the years, that comes to roughly, um, six. I think that’s a fairly accurate number for the purpose of one-inch margins, wouldn’t you say?”

There was no response; he just got up and stomped out of my office, slammed the door, and called my boss to complain when he got to his office. She laughed in his ear and hung up on him. WOOT!

(And if you’re wondering: yes, that conversation was VERBATIM. He asked me that three times as if I were lying to the likes of him…Why would I bother?!?)

Clarinazi: 2
Captain Compensation: 0

...to be continued