or "Pwned"
or "Girl Hammered by Cox"
This post is rated for language, nudity, violence, and sex with animals.
I moved into my new apartment on September 15 (and those of you who live within driving distance who still haven't seen it, shame on you). As of September 16, I have not had 24 consecutive hours of internet service (and sometimes no TV either). The techie has been here so many times he raps a pattern on the door and comes on in. Then he waves at my magic elf box, and all is healed. Pisses me off.
Additionally, they screwed up the account from whence I came so that mom's TV and mine were having wild monkey sex instead of actually tuning in to regularly scheduled programming. My former home phone number that was to remain at mom's disappeared into the wild blue yonder, and my internet service has been solely on my Palm, compliments of the asshat who lives next door with an unsecured wireless.
After coming home from DB on Tuesday evening chagrined to learn that my internet was (again) broken, I called Cox to have it fixed. They told me that they could fix it today (Saturday for those who don't have a calendar handy). I (in quite colorful terms, I assure you) told them that my life didn't work that way and they would fix it on Wednesday morning. First thing. After talking to the manager and getting nowhere, I talked to his manager. This one seemed to be less of an fucktard than the rest, so I immediately pressed my advantage.
Me: "Sir, would you please do me a favor?"
Cox Tool: "What can I do?"
Me: "Look up this account and my prior account (that is still linked to this one since it's still active), and tell me how long the account I'm calling about has been active."
CT: "It looks like you've been active since September 14."
Me: "That sounds about right. Could you please look up how many incoming complaint calls you've had on those two accounts since that date?"
CT: "It looks like there have been close to 20."
Me: "Understanding that I've been out of state for the past six days, do you see a problem here?"
CT: "Yes, miss, I do. We'll have someone out between 10 and 12 on Wednesday."
Me: "Thanks."
Techie comes to visit...it's all better. Until last night. I get home from a long day at work (where I actually WORKED, wonder of wonders), and lo and behold, my internet is broken. I make my nightly Cox phone call, and the lady who answered the phone didn't even have a chance:
Cox Tool #2: "Thank you for choosing Cox, my name is Sherita, how can I help you?"
Me: "Could I speak to your manager?"
CT2: "Miss, I have to go through your problem before I can forward the call."
Me: "Sherita, I am here to tell you that you don't want to do that. This is my 17th call in 15 days, and I'm rather hacked, and it's not your fault, so put me through to your manager."
CT2: "Right away, miss."
::crickets::
::crickets::
::crickets::
Manager Tool: "You're having a problem?"
Me: "Why, yes, I am. AGAIN."
MT: "Could you describe it to me?"
Me: "Of course. It all started when I decided to use Cox as my service provider."
... ... same ole convo ensued.
MT: "Well, miss, we can come out tomorrow morning (would have been this morning) between noon and two to rectify the situation."
Me: "Two things, Bucky. (1) Noon-2 is NOT morning. I want someone here at 8:00 am. (2) The dictionary definition of rectify is to permanently fix. So far, the only "rect" that I have seen in your service and technical support is the one that is holding up your ass. I want a guarantee that this problem will be solved PERMANENTLY by 8:00a.m.
MT: "I'm sorry you feel that way, miss, but we can't do that. The first available time is noon."
Me: "Since my internet is broken, my TV doesn't work, and you're hanging on the other end of my phone, would you do me a favor?"
MT: "Sure, miss."
Me: "Could I have the phone number for SBC?"
MT: "I'm sorry, I don't have that number available."
Me: "Pity. You'll waste a service call for nothing. I'll call you back at 2 tomorrow to let you know what that number is. Do you happen to have the number for your manager?"
MT: "He'll have to call you back. I have to fill out paperwork to have him call you."
Me: "Excellent. Have him call me this evening."
MT: "He will call you within two hours."
Me: "Perfect."
Exactly 15 minutes later, the manager calls. By this time, I've cooled down a bit. We get my internet up and running again, and he gives me his name, the hours he works, and his personal direct phone number. I love you, Angel. In a world full of asshats, I'll tip my hat to you. Thanks.
Thank you for choosing Cox. We're the most aptly named business in the industry. Looking for a good time? Call (405) 600-8282.
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