'Tis Samhain

...or All Hallow's Eve, or the first evening of Hallowmas, or Halloween, depending on your brand of history and religion.

Whatever your persuasion, celebrate wisely and well.

Boo.

Proving a theory

...one of my new co-workers has a plaque on her desk that states, "THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH TIME UNLESS YOU'RE SERVING IT."

Theory proven.

A Little Linky Love

I just came across this blog, and I would do just about anything to reach out to the author and kiss her for taking "grammar" into her own "hands" ...

Let's Take Votes...

for the most disturbing aspect of this video. Is it

(A) the anthropomorphic U,
(B) the random 30 second shot of Smokey's crotch,
(C) the fact that this whole thing appeared on Sesame Street (presumably around the same time as "Would You Like to Buy an O"),
(d) the fact that when you put this song together with the other, you get something that looks like "U've Got Me, so Would You Like an O?"
(e) All of the Above.

Tally in comments...

A Whole New Life

With this new job, it's like a whole new me. I actually enjoy going to work (so far) and like what I've been doing...it's great! Now my snark is reserved for those who desperately need to be on the receiving end of it. Like the crazy woman who tried to run over my car on the interstate yesterday. She was driving a Tahoe and ended up running over the car in front of her (a Tercel) instead...then, after she mauled that car, she started backing up! Uh, no?!? I started yelling and honking and making a general ruckus about this time, and she landed about a half inch from my front bumper. Had she hit me and I gotten a ticket because I'm in Oklatucky and we have a no-fault law, I'd have come out swinging.

In other news, my Sooners have an off week this week. Woot! Now I can get some serious stuff done around the old homestead. Except for the meeting all day Saturday to wrap up my old job...and the all day Sunday music extravaganza... Alas. Friday will be a veritable marathon of activity preparing for next week (aka WEEK FROM HELL) due to school issues...so strap on, we're going into high gear.

Stick with me. Back to regularly scheduled snark soon.

Work!

Sweet! I went to work today and did more than attend!

I love my new office. It has windows that I can look out over the smokers and giggle, or I can ignore them as I see fit. The best part is they're just outside my window, but they can't see in unless I'm right at the window being overtly obnoxious. Excellent. Let the games begin.

For those in the area, Sunday is the all-music service that I'm working on...it's gonna be a whale of a great time for all involved, so bring yourselves in your preferred Sunday gear to hear/see/play/sing great music.

As of now, that's my life. Getting along in my new job, and getting this service figured out. See you on the flip side of Sunday (unless I have another fit with the Sooners on Saturday...). I'll try to get back before then, but don't count on it.

An Open Letter

God,

This is Clarinazi. Remember me? The musician who plays your praises on Sunday mornings, after her Sooners win on Saturday nights? Yes, that's the one...me. Well, I don't particularly appreciate the game you've been playing these last two weeks. I understand that I should attend the game faithfully when the Sooners are in town, but when they're away, that's just not feasible. I understood last week when your countenance frowned upon my decision to do other work rather than attend the game, but this week, attendance wasn't an option! Please God, just let me be able to watch my Sooners games again without jinxing my team. I really enjoy screaming at the TV, but for good reasons rather than ill. I'm not asking for you to smile upon your servant, I'd just appreciate it if the little crimson and cream cloud you have permanently attached over my head would become black and orange.

Always your good and faithful servant,

Clarinazi

Cox Watch, Day 4

Well, my internet was fixed on Wednesday, broke again on Friday, was fixed on Saturday, broke Monday night, and was fixed yesterday afternoon. Let the countdown roll to zero and begin again. We're working on 12 hours so far, as it was still up and running when I left this morning...

I'm spending all my vacation hours and phone minutes on Cox. Maybe I should start billing them.

(But the guy who came out yesterday was HYSTERICAL...made it almost bearable.)

No threat. HAH!

So I googled the spidey friend, and according to the internet, they pose no danger to people. HAH! Tell that to the emergency doc while I'm recovering from a heart attack.

Who said I need a starter dog?

When I have this thing hangin' on my patio door.

(Yes, that's my thumb. From three feet away.)

(and yes, those are the slats of the vertical blinds...)

Cost-Benefit Analysis for Dummies

As I sit in my ::yawn:: class, my mind once again turns to things that piss me off. A long-term rant that I have held near and dear is one of required college classroom attendance. Although I am in my last semester of graduate school, this concept, and the pervasive lack of cognizant thought that has been put into the reasoning behind it, has been driven home more than any other semester.

So what is the basis of this rant? In universities worldwide, professors of undergraduate programs have some type of attendance policy for their classes. In the case of the lower-division coursework (classes taken freshman and sophomore years of school), I think that this is justified by the professor feeling the obligation to force the students to *appear* responsible. By the time the 18-year-olds are twenty or so and in upper-division classes, attendance should be working its way toward optional in many courses.

The system really falls apart in graduate school. As graduates, we are all at least partially educated and purportedly lead semi-autonomous lives. A large majority of students are paying their own tuition, and are generally self-reliant. Why is it then, that about 95% of the graduate professors have the following attendance policy:

“You are allowed two absences during the semester for any reason, including family and job-related issues. Each additional absence will result in dropping your final grade by one letter. There will be ABSOLUTELY NO exceptions.” (emphasis original)

Excuse me, but am I a responsible adult? With a(t least one) full-time job? Am I not paying my own tuition?

Given the answers to the above questions, I should feel obligated to attend class. I should not be required to attend. If I feel that my continued attendance is positively correlated with my goal(s) for the class (whether they be "get the hell out" or "make an A"), I shall plant my happy ass in the desk at every available opportunity and participate in the discussion with almost religious fervor. If, however, I believe that my time and energies are better served by taking my person elsewhere during regular class time, the choice to attend or not should be mine to make.

An example of the (lack of) effectiveness of required attendance is demonstrated by my classes this semester. My first class is taught by an international professor (see prior posts about my Engrish prof), and attendance is mandated by the above-quoted policy. He teaches about three slides per night, and goes over and over and over them...My second class is taught by an adjunct professor whose teaching tools include his brain and a piece of chalk. He never uses power point, doesn't teach from notes, nothing. His attendance policy is stated as, "I don't give a flying rat's ass whether you come late, leave early, or skip and don't come at all."

Boys and girls, guess the attendance patterns of my classes. ... You'd be right. No one misses the second class. We're all invested in learning. If I had the option, my seat in the first class would never be warmed by my body.

Grr.

SWEET!!!

I got a promotion!

More info when I get done doing a happy dance.

Goldfish

I suck. I went to NC, ate Kit-Kats and Goldfish. Now, I'm sitting at home by myself snarfing Goldfish like they're going out of style. At this rate, someone will have to bring a crane to haul my hefty ass out of this computer chair. Stupid carb addiction. GRR!


In other news, we are approaching hour 48 of the Cox-is-a-pain-in-the-ass-and-when-will-my-internet-break-again watch party. Stay tuned, boys and girls.

Cox can nibble my 'taint.

or "Asshats at Large"
or "Pwned"
or "Girl Hammered by Cox"

This post is rated for language, nudity, violence, and sex with animals.


I moved into my new apartment on September 15 (and those of you who live within driving distance who still haven't seen it, shame on you). As of September 16, I have not had 24 consecutive hours of internet service (and sometimes no TV either). The techie has been here so many times he raps a pattern on the door and comes on in. Then he waves at my magic elf box, and all is healed. Pisses me off.

Additionally, they screwed up the account from whence I came so that mom's TV and mine were having wild monkey sex instead of actually tuning in to regularly scheduled programming. My former home phone number that was to remain at mom's disappeared into the wild blue yonder, and my internet service has been solely on my Palm, compliments of the asshat who lives next door with an unsecured wireless.

After coming home from DB on Tuesday evening chagrined to learn that my internet was (again) broken, I called Cox to have it fixed. They told me that they could fix it today (Saturday for those who don't have a calendar handy). I (in quite colorful terms, I assure you) told them that my life didn't work that way and they would fix it on Wednesday morning. First thing. After talking to the manager and getting nowhere, I talked to his manager. This one seemed to be less of an fucktard than the rest, so I immediately pressed my advantage.

Me: "Sir, would you please do me a favor?"
Cox Tool: "What can I do?"
Me: "Look up this account and my prior account (that is still linked to this one since it's still active), and tell me how long the account I'm calling about has been active."
CT: "It looks like you've been active since September 14."
Me: "That sounds about right. Could you please look up how many incoming complaint calls you've had on those two accounts since that date?"
CT: "It looks like there have been close to 20."
Me: "Understanding that I've been out of state for the past six days, do you see a problem here?"
CT: "Yes, miss, I do. We'll have someone out between 10 and 12 on Wednesday."
Me: "Thanks."

Techie comes to visit...it's all better. Until last night. I get home from a long day at work (where I actually WORKED, wonder of wonders), and lo and behold, my internet is broken. I make my nightly Cox phone call, and the lady who answered the phone didn't even have a chance:

Cox Tool #2: "Thank you for choosing Cox, my name is Sherita, how can I help you?"
Me: "Could I speak to your manager?"
CT2: "Miss, I have to go through your problem before I can forward the call."
Me: "Sherita, I am here to tell you that you don't want to do that. This is my 17th call in 15 days, and I'm rather hacked, and it's not your fault, so put me through to your manager."
CT2: "Right away, miss."
::crickets::
::crickets::
::crickets::
Manager Tool: "You're having a problem?"
Me: "Why, yes, I am. AGAIN."
MT: "Could you describe it to me?"
Me: "Of course. It all started when I decided to use Cox as my service provider."
... ... same ole convo ensued.
MT: "Well, miss, we can come out tomorrow morning (would have been this morning) between noon and two to rectify the situation."
Me: "Two things, Bucky. (1) Noon-2 is NOT morning. I want someone here at 8:00 am. (2) The dictionary definition of rectify is to permanently fix. So far, the only "rect" that I have seen in your service and technical support is the one that is holding up your ass. I want a guarantee that this problem will be solved PERMANENTLY by 8:00a.m.
MT: "I'm sorry you feel that way, miss, but we can't do that. The first available time is noon."
Me: "Since my internet is broken, my TV doesn't work, and you're hanging on the other end of my phone, would you do me a favor?"
MT: "Sure, miss."
Me: "Could I have the phone number for SBC?"
MT: "I'm sorry, I don't have that number available."
Me: "Pity. You'll waste a service call for nothing. I'll call you back at 2 tomorrow to let you know what that number is. Do you happen to have the number for your manager?"
MT: "He'll have to call you back. I have to fill out paperwork to have him call you."
Me: "Excellent. Have him call me this evening."
MT: "He will call you within two hours."
Me: "Perfect."

Exactly 15 minutes later, the manager calls. By this time, I've cooled down a bit. We get my internet up and running again, and he gives me his name, the hours he works, and his personal direct phone number. I love you, Angel. In a world full of asshats, I'll tip my hat to you. Thanks.



Thank you for choosing Cox. We're the most aptly named business in the industry. Looking for a good time? Call (405) 600-8282.

This blows a goat.

This morning my sister called to see if I wanted to go to the game. I said that I had stuff to do (and I do), so I stayed home and would watch on TV... So I settle in to watch my Sooners dominate Mizzou. ... If you'll notice the time stamp of this post, and look into the time the game ended, you'll realize that not only is it not over, the previous post was also made during the first quarter. God has a sick sense of humor:

Kickoff. Mizzou gets nowhere. We get the ball. Fumble, Mizzou scores. 7-0 Mizzou. Damn.

I decide after another touchy play that I'm not in it for the suspense and go to Wal-Mart to get groceries. Return to the car to find out via Bob Barry that the Sooners are now ahead by a TD and a FG. Sweet.

Go home, turn the TV back on, go to get the laundry from the washer, look in on the game for a few minutes, then Mizzou scored. Crap. I'm seeing a pattern here.

This continues until the 4th quarter, when I give up my personal watching pleasure so that Bob Stoops won't have an aneurysm. When I turned off the TV, the score was 23-24 Mizzou. Within five minutes of turning it off, I get a text from my brother telling me that the score is now 34-23 OU.

OK, God, I get the message. Just let the Sooners win already, and I swear I won't give away tickets in order watch another football game at home again EVER.



**As an aside, maybe I should cash in on this ability in the future. Omnipotence could be a groovy ride for a while.

DB 2008

So the stories from Distinctly Bronze abound, but I'll share this one, as I think it's the funniest for the most people...

We were playing the Waltz from Serenade for Strings by Tchaikovsky (you've heard it before...click here). It's in the running for the hardest piece I've ever played on bells, and we were having quite the time with it sucking horribly. Finally, we gave up for the day, and the next morning when we got to rehearsal, the director had a gift on his stand.

It was a home-made doll that had the following note on it

Whenever things don't go so well...
And you want to hit the wall and yell...
Here's a little dammit doll
That you can't do without.
Just grasp it firmly by the legs
And find a place to slam it
And as you whack the stuffing out
Yell, "DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!"

...which was great, but the funniest part was that it was gift wrapped. In the cover for Waltz. HAH!!!

In other news, here are some photos from the event. I have tons of myself, but you'll have to see them on my facebook page.

My newest friends. We hung out a lot. Love these ladies!!!

My old friend. They're the best...


The whole group during rehearsal. (112 ringers)


The littlest and the (not quite) biggest

The town was gorgeous. Very old and historical. Great food.

If you want to see more photos, let me know, and I'll send them your way.

This is one that pretty much describes the airlines today. I was on the plane in 95 degree weather at BWI, and this was outside my window with no one within 150 yards. Everyone was successfully ignoring it...

Nice.

Shamelessly lifted from AD...

This was too funny to pass up...I swear I'll get back to the serious blogging later. Promise!

WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES?

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)

Blondie Civic

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)

Chocolate Almond Chocolate Chip (nickname: Chalmonchip)

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)

MWoo .... I love LIW's: AHoh HEE HEE HEE

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Black Dog

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Kay Watonga

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)

Wooma

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Red Tea

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Gene Louis

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)

Euphoria Blossom Skittles

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )

Sue Neill

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)

Todd Tacoma

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)

Autumn Rose

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + "ie" or "y")

Apple Skacksie

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)

Cheerio Mimosa

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)

The Music Snow Tour

Feel free to make snarky commentary. I'm too tired to attempt it.

I'm baaaack!

I've returned from the nether-regions, and am in full force once again. I had a great time, thanks for asking, and plan to go again next year if money allows. :-) A synopsis of my trip will appear here sometime tomorrow or Wednesday...depends on when I decide to not be lazy. (as if that comes as a surprise...)