Plano Balloon Festival

...so I woke up this morning at an OBSCENE hour in order to see all the balloons take off at the balloon festival. It was a nice way to greet the dawn. The launch site was covered in fog, and as several pics show, the haze didn't lift until almost the end.

Enjoy!

Click here to see my photo albums

I'm still trying to figure it out.

Why does BSCUN vacuum? Anyone have ideas? Bueller? Bueller?

AAAAAARGH! (once an hour today...we're up to 4-6 times DAILY)

Please, someone! Stop the madness!

Pre-game fun

Before today's (wonderful) game, I went down to the Farmer's Market. I'd heard it was cool...and it was. Here are the photos.

This is more like it.

I'm sure at some point in your life, you've received, read, or given a Gaelic blessing. Most of them are wonderful expressions of peace and goodwill, and lots of people think they look good painted on random things and hung about the house.

For those of you who are more realistic in the ways of blessings, I give you the following, taken from a comment on Crystal's blog. I want to kiss the author of this work of art. Anyone for making a list before we gather around and bless the hell out of the listees???

May bleeding piles distress him,
May corns adorn his feet.
May crabs as big as horseflies crawl on his balls and eat.
And when he's old and feeble and a psychopathic wreck,
May his spine drop through his asshole and break his fucking neck.

Holy Red Roof Inn Refund, Batman!

It came through! Woot! Apparently someone at Red Roof Inn saw my wee little postings and became concerned. My $50 has been returned, and all is right with the world.

For once, the advertiser is spot on...

For possibly the first time in recorded history, the inappropriate use of quotation marks is completely appropriate. Thank you, Facebook advertiser.

Who said anything about dieting?

I'm not quite sure what the worst part about this is. The murder? Or not being able to do hard time for it because you can't fit through your front door?

An 800-pound woman. Ugh. And you thought that 800-pound gorilla that was always a monkey on your back was bad.

I’ve been sucked in

Those of you who know me well also know that I am NOT a television watcher. Apparently, for a couple weeks at least, that seemingly has changed. I've been sucked in by the Olympics. I don't know why, or how, since I'm also not an avid non-football sports fan, but it is true. I celebrated every race for Michael Phelps. I watched China dominate in the diving competition. I surfed the net to find the U.S. team's synchronized swimming routine. I cheered for Usain Bolt, I agonized with Nastia over her silver, and I celebrated with May-Traynor and Walsh over their gold.

Maybe it's part of the "new leaf." Maybe Clarinazi: Texas watches t.v.

…or maybe I just have too much time on my hands until my normal life pace picks back up.

Either way, you'll find me at 7:00 p.m. local time cheering for whatever sport is important enough to make prime time.

BSCUN at your service

The only apartment gripe so far: my bat shit crazy upstairs neighbor. I'm not sure what her (his?) problem is, but I wish she'd share.

So far, I've been in the apartment for a full week, and every day, BSCUN has vacuumed. Some days, twice. Or three times. Or today, FOUR times. So far.

OCD?
Acute uncleanliness?
Neat freak?

…and did I mention that she does laundry every other day? When she's trekking laundry from the bedroom to the laundry room, for some reason, she stomps. She NEVER stomps across the apartment unless she's carrying laundry. Stomping is always punctuated by the washer running.

I miss my townhouse. Next door is nothing like crazies upstairs. … I shouldn't complain. I really do love my apartment. Starting Monday, I won't know that BSCUN vacuums incessantly and washes laundry way too often for someone living alone. I won't be here except to sleep.

In which I am nothing if not persistent

Remember the Red Roof Inn debacle???

Wellllllll, here's the update:

The following Tuesday, I called the corporate office to see why my refund had not yet been posted. I talked to the COO of Guest Relations, who promised me a refund and a voucher for a free night's stay at any Red Roof Inn. (Oh joy, oh rapture)

I didn't receive my refund within two weeks, so I called the COO on her direct line, and two days later, I was eating my last dinner with GG and received a call from the new temporary manager of the hotel in Plano. He couldn't seem to get the whole story from anyone on the staff there, so he decided to call me to get the scoop. He was adequately astounded by the actions of the crew, and promised me the refund that had yet to appear on my card.

Well, in the meantime, I've gotten a new job, moved, and have mostly settled in. So I decided to give Red Roof another call. I asked for the temp manager, who I found out had gone back to Pittsburg, so I asked for the acting manager. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?

After a slight delay, LaDeana answered the phone. Grrrreat. She then forwarded me to "Scott, a Red Roof manager from Southern Dallas County who is giving me manager lessons." THANK THE GODS AND LITTLE FISHIES! She desperately needs them.

LaDeana said the paperwork had been forwarded but she wasn't sure how long it would take once it hit corporate HQ. Scott admitted that he knew nothing of the problem, but as of July 31, they changed credit processing companies, and my refund may have been backlogged or lost in the shuffle, so if it was in the last couple weeks, I may need to wait a few days...to which I responded that the stay in question was on July 19. He took my information and is going to talk to his friend in accounts payable to see if we can speed the process.

to be continued...hopefully with a refund.

Look out, Big D...I'm here

I'm home, and I adore it!!! My new apartment is way cute and so convenient to, well, everything! I have lost my loathing for grocery shopping (Can I go every day? Please?), and I am surrounded by malls. I'd think I'd have died and gone to heaven if it weren't so damn HOT.

Send an air conditioner for the great outdoors. And a new phone. Thanks.



In other news, this apartment is awesome...except for the idiots that laid my carpet...and cut my phone lines in the process. Oy vey. These poor people don't know what hit them--yet. Give it a week. They'll know me.

Clarinazi has come to town.

One foot in the grave?

What grandmas talk about in the back seat of the car on a long drive:

Grandma 1: "Isn't Wilma dead?"
Grandma 2: "Well, her yard looks awful pretty if she is."
Grandma 1: "I think I read that she died."
Grandma 2: "I saw her yesterday. She's not dead."

--a little later--

Grandma 1: "Isn't the tag agent dead? What was her name?"
Grandma 2: "Jo, and no, she isn't dead. I just saw her too. She's dried up, but not dead."

I just can't compete with this.

Posted by Cranky Prof:

This shit stinks, people. If you took the concepts pain and hell, cooked them down in to a heavy syrup, injected it in to the ass of a gangrene-infected dead skunk and left that rotting corpse in a port-o-let on a busy construction site in Juarez, Mexico for six months -- it would still smell better than this.

A new leaf

Holy cow!!! I officially got the job!!!! I'll no longer be a Government Slug in two weeks from today. It doesn't really seem real, but I'll be moving to Dallas to start my new job (that uses my degree!!!) on Aug. 9.

Taking requests for name changes for the blog!



...in similar but other news, I just received this email (copied verbatim, with spacing, I might add). And he wonders why I didn't reply. *Gigglesnort*

Dear Ms. Clarinazi

Hello

We been waiting for your responding e-mail by July 15 2008.

But we did not get any respond from you.

We are looking for the experienced designer on lingerie, undergarment.

We need a graphic designer who knows about our field.

We do not have any idea, how much you want your salary, when you are available or you have any experience on field.

You did not answer our e-mail.

So we can not hire you.

Again thank you for your resume.

Brian Kim

HANA HOSIERY, INC.

Vignettes from Dallas

brought to you by the letter O, the number 15, Red Roof Inn, and English, the official language of Slugdom.

My choirs performed this weekend in the final concerts of the season. We had a great turnout and everyone seemed very enthusiastic, so I feel pretty good about things. The final concert was in Plano, and the following vignettes are short stories that happened while we were there.

1. The freeway.

GG and the newly-dubbed English (see #4) left the Friday night north-OKC concert to drive to Plano at 11:00 p.m. Close to their destination, around 3 a.m. the following conversation ensues:

English: "Exit Parker."
GG: *crickets*
English: "Exit Parker!"
GG: *crickets*
English: "Exit Parker!!!!"
GG: *crickets*
English: "Get off the freakin' freeway!"
GG: *Saudi sweep*

2. The hotel.

Hotel arrangements have been made since May. We were guaranteed early check-in at the Red Roof Inn, Plano. At least until we got there...

Me: "I need to check in. I have six rooms reserved under the name Clarinazi."
Desk girl: "We don't have any rooms."
Me: "I guaranteed early check in. We have a rehearsal at 3 pm and I was told LAST NIGHT that I could check my people in at 1."
DG: "We don't have any rooms available. I wasn't the one who told you that, so it's not my problem."
(cue ominous soundtrack)
Me: "You work in customer service. When you came to work today, you MADE it your problem. Can I at least have the room numbers we are going to be in to give people keys for when they get here?"
DG: "I don't know the room numbers, so I can't give you keys."
Me: "Can you not find out where your cleaning people are and give me those rooms? Could I talk to your manager?"
DG: "We don't have a manager."
Me: "Are you the CEO of the corporation? If not, you MUST have manager. District? Regional?"
DG: "Well our manager quit a couple weeks ago. Do you want to talk to our acting manager?"
Me: "Well, duh! YES!"
DG: "She's not here now."
Me: "Can you call her?"
DG: "She is at home."
Me: "Is your finger broken?"

DG called the manager. I introduced myself and explained the situation, and the following conversation is an approximate transcript.

Mgr: "We have a whole new staff. There is really nothing we can do. They tell me the hotel was abnormally busy last night, so they are cleaning rooms for you, but it will be 3 pm check-in. We cannot guarantee you early check-in, especially on a Saturday.
Me: "Well, your people DID guarantee it, so I need to get into our rooms."
Mgr: "I am sorry, but there is nothing I can do."
Me: "Do you have the corporate number that I can call to complain?"
Mgr: "I will take care of the problem on Monday."
Me: "I don't think you understand. I need the number to call and file a complaint about YOU."
Mgr: "I don't have the number. I am at home."
Me: "Which brings us to another question. Why are you at home during an abnormally busy weekend with a brand-new staff working for the first time?!?"

This gets me handed back over to the front desk clerk who has miraculously found us six clean rooms. Things go smoothly from this point, and the manager even called back to comp my room for the second night I was staying.

-to be continued...#6-

3. The concert.

The concert went exceptionally well, and I would like to re-create that space here in my home town. Whenever I get the funding that the Raleigh Ringers has and can build my OWN rehearsal/performance space, that's what I'm going to do. It is decided.

4. The language barriers.

After the concert, several of us went to a smallish pub in Plano to unwind. Admittedly, Plano has a large Hispanic population, but I wanted to become boneless and slink under the table at this monologue...

We needed water at the table, and were wearing the waitress out. Attempting to order a pitcher of water, English looks around the room, finds a Hispanic bus boy, and waves him to the table.

She then looks critically at him for a moment, points her Mommy finger at him, and says:

"ENGLISH?"

At his nod she then proceeded to order a pitcher of water, no ice. Riiiiiiiight.

"Agua?"

She resorted to hand signals.

Water. No ice.
"Glass?"
No, pitcher.

Sigh. Now I'm calling her "English" -- it just seems more fitting than appropriate sign language.

5. The great Wi-fi hunt of 2008.

After everyone else had left for the weekend, GG and I decided to hang around and go to dinner on Sunday. I desperately needed to find a Wi-fi connection for my laptop (the one in the hotel was $20) for my meeting on Monday morning. We racked our brains and came up with McDonald's as the most logical choice.

We went to McDonald's, and could connect, but the connection wouldn't work. On anything. Phone, PDA, laptop...nothing. Crap.

Next stop: English's house. She works nights, so she was asleep, and rather than potentially piss off Mr. English, we decided to park across the street and use the Wi-fi that leaked out of her house. We didn't want to be stalkers, so we did the logical thing.

We parked one door down and across the street to look like we were casing the joint instead.

To no avail.

Our next thought was that hotels would have it, so if we parked close to the lobby, we may be able to get service. We cruised over the highway and found a corner that had a Best Western, Ramada, and Holiday Inn Express close together, all with their front doors facing a common parking lot. EXCELLENT! After initial signal reads from GG, we decided that we should park in one of the handicapped spots in the front of the Ramada. It had the best service--from the Best Western. Go figure.

6. The hotel, reprise.

I checked out of the hotel Monday morning, and was asked why Bell Ringer didn't check in. I said I wasn't sure, and that I would find out.

I found out last night--Bell Ringer was told that there were no rooms listed under my name OR her name, so she didn't have a reservation.

Ye ole ears perked up, and Manager got a call this fine morning...

Me: "It's Clarinazi in OKC again. We have another problem."
Mgr: "Oh no."
Me: "Remember the girl who didn't check in? She was told that there was not a room for her under my name or hers, so she ended up driving back to north OKC, a four-hour drive, at midnight on Saturday."
Mgr: "I will credit your card immediately."
Me: "I kind of thought you'd see it my way. Have a nice day!"

I'm back home now, and will be back to scribbling if the muse allows. Glad you hung around waiting!

Confused

Is it just me or is this car a rolling oximoron???


(Note the bumper stickers...I'm sure there are worse things in the world than Longhorns, but I'll have to get back to you on that...)

Tea-Totalers

…or "Served Us Right?"
…or "A Study on Comparison"

This weekend GG and I traversed the well-worn south-bound interstate (no, we did NOT stop and swap food or do a Chinese fire drill or change cars or anything else on the way), and planned to conduct some business on Friday night, then return Saturday night for a fantastic showing of "Swing!" by the local (yokel) musical theater group here.

But the best laid plans…

We left on Friday, with plenty of time to spare before the business appointment. We stopped at The Restaurant of the Gods Genghis Grill for dinner, and got a phone call that the business was canceled. Ever resourceful, we decided to go window shopping since we couldn't check into our (hotel) until after the (hotel)'s owner went to work. Great! SHOPPING!!!

By 9:30 we were tired and hungry again, so we decided to go to the Cheesecake Factory in Allen for dessert. We each ordered our usual poison—their house flavored tea for me and sweet tea for GG. We also decided to splurge, and we each ordered an appetizer. Apparently, this is where fate stepped in. We ended up being at the Cheesecake Fuckuptory (thanks, CB!) for an HOUR AND A HALF.

The following table shows what we ACTUALLY received (and note that the teas were never actually empty, so by the end, GG was drinking a major suicide drink)…

Clarinazi	Gentle Giant
Flavored Tea	Sweet Tea
Flavored Tea	Green Tea
Flavored Tea	Flavored Tea
Warmish Popcorn Shrimp	Cold Chicken Nachos
Flavored Tea	Sweet Tea
Flavored Tea	Flavored Tea
Flavored Tea	Sweet Tea
Hot Popcorn Shrimp	Hot Chicken Nachos
Sweet Tea	Sweet Tea

At the end of the debacle (at 11:00), the waitress walks up to us, hands us each a menu, and says, "These are our special cheesecakes. I'll be back in a minute to take your dessert order."

I wanted to look at her and say, "Are you SURE you weren't just fired from Pearl's in Oklahoma City?!?"
What I actually said, ::astounded glare:: ::crickets:: ::crickets::

When I stopped to think about it, I was also rather taken aback that she didn't offer us DINNER between appetizers and dessert.

Then we came home on Saturday, and the show was so bad we left at intermission. Hrm. Maybe GG and I should stop going places together. We have bad juju.

(Oh, and as an aside, on the way to the (hotel), we found a parking lot carnival just before they closed for the night…see photos in my gallery: www.picasaweb.com/clarinazi.)

Why I do what I do

I can only hope that as I go along, I have half the passion that Benjamin Zander does. It's long, but take the time. It's so very worth it.

Anyone wanna bur?

Crystal is hosting a contest. Feel free to hie on over to participate.

Winner is the person who can decipher the female witness's testimony in this video.

Even if you don't participate in the contest, feel free to post transcriptions in comments. It's definately good for a *Gigglesnort!*

I'm sure you've all been waiting with bated breath for this...

My photo gallery is finally up in a single link. All new photos will appear at the following link, rather than slideshows in my blog posts. (WHEE!) The link should automatically show up in RSS feeds, for those so inclined.

Clarinazi's Photo Gallery

Feel free to tour, comment, link, etc. but please don't use them without notifying me! (I'd be happy to let you use them--I'm trying to turn this slowly but surely into a paying gig, so I don't have to put ads on my blog to pay my rent.)

The answers

No, I do NOT have a shrine to Kermit the frog. Anyone else is fair game, though!

No, I did NOT make up the antenna on the car...but I would have if it would have ever been necessary.

I'm pretty sure I'm not certifiable, but that is merely my opinion.

Yes, I love taking pictures. No, I'm NOT a pedophile. Remember where I work, people! I need stock photos. I mostly think kids are cute as long as (a) they're not interrupting my dinner and (b) they're someone else's.

Yes, I would LOVE to sell some of my pictures if I only knew how.

I think that's it for now. I'll return to regularly scheduled snark after next week when I (hopefully) know what I'm going to do with my life. My huge conference is next week, so I'm going nuts until Thursday. See you then!

4th of July

...and I spent more time at the zoo today and updated that show to include the rest of the animals. Click on its show below to see the whole zoo!

I went to the zoo

and they even let me come home!!!!

....and once again, photos

I've been wanting pics of this barn, and I took it to mean that God did too when I found the gate open and no one around...

Scenes from Oklatucky

GG and I went to Lake Dirtybird tonight with my brand-spanking-new camera and caught the following...




...but, seriously, folks. The following pics, I couldn't make up if I HAD to!!!

...and if that weren't bad enough, I give you the antenna:

Ladies and Gents, I give you--Oklatucky.

Note to the guy at dinner:

1. If you give your toddler a plastic mallet, please do NOT get upset when said toddler:
(a) Whacks the table repeatedly with the mallet.
(b) Whacks himself repeatedly with the mallet.

2. You especially have no right to act astounded given his prior behavior when the toddler whacks you in the nuts with the mallet.


That is all.

SUH-WEET!!!!

If you can't see my happy dance going on, you're blind.

The long-awaited-by-nerds-like-me album is FINALLY released!!! Chicago's Stone of Sisyphus (recorded in 1993) has been released. It's the long lost album that is supposed to be their best work since their early albums (according to Jimmy and Robert themselves!)... I've ordered mine. Have you?



*bouncy, bouncy, jiggle, bouncy, bouncy, hip thrust...*

So I'm untrustworthy. Get over it.

I promised I wouldn't do it, but these were too good to pass up.

No, wolves were NOT involved.

Contrary to popular belief, I have NOT been eaten by wolves in Austin. ...there was a moment or two, during which I was coerced into dinner in a UT bar...wearing my Sooners shirt...that my life expectancy, however, was in question. The weekend was a well-needed trip, but the hell on earth that I returned to has NOT been making my days.

Queen Bee is up to her usual antics, High Goddess decided AT PRESS TIME that she no longer liked the materials everyone had been looking at for 3 weeks, so I spent another two nights working needlessly.

Yesterday, I was informed that the venue for my upcoming concert (Monday) may have to be changed due to the asshattery of certain parties involved (not me!)...damn. The jury is still out, but I'll know by this afternoon!

I had two nibbles on the "get Clarinazi into a position where "SLUG" is not in the job title" campaign, and both look somewhat promising. We'll see on that too.

...so for now, we wait.

Rest in Peace

George Carlin died yesterday. Comedy will never be the same.

How many others can do an airplane safety lecture like he did? Ruined me on airplanes, yes he did. He will be missed.

Things are headed south.

My job has been kicking my ass, and my photography has been posted in various places, but I figured you were tired of always seeing it by now, so I didn't post the last bit.

In addition to my life sucking (you should have seen me yesterday!!!) I'm headed south for the HOT weekend.

While I'm gone, check this out. Class A beverage alert, people.

A meme of sorts.

This was forwarded to me. It's kinda interesting, and I want to prove to SOMEONE who had doubts about my filling it out that I actually did it. So there. I'm not tagging anyone. If you want to do it too, great. If you don't care, look at my pictures in the next post.

Rules: place an "X" by all the things you've done and remove the "X" from the ones you have not.

( ) Gone on a blind date
( ) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
(X) been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Sang Karaoke
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only?
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
( ) Made prank phone calls
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Been skinny dipping outdoors
(X) Gone to the movies

1. Any nickname? Clarinazi
2. Mother's name ? ClariMom

3. Favorite drink? Iced Tea and Kool-Aid (my kind...not the store's kind)
4. Tattoo? Nope
5. Body Piercing? Ears only

6. How much do you love your job? Are you KIDDING?!?
7. Birthplace? Oklahoma
8. Ever been to Africa? Not yet (Europe comes first though!)
9. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Didn't even bake 'em!
10. Favorite vacation spot? Chicago
11. Ever been on TV? Only because of Pride...never by myself
12. Ever steal a(any) traffic sign(s)? Yes. Get this--it said "OPEN TRENCH" BWAHAHA!
13. Ever been in a car accident? Not that was directly my fault
14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4-door
15. Favorite salad dressing? Spinach salad with red wine vinaigrette
16. Favorite pie? Chocolate or Apple
17. Favorite number? 2. For no reason at all.
18. Favorite movie? The Sting, Ocean's 11, Italian Job, Thomas Crowne Affair ... anything that includes espionage and intrigue and/or Pierce Brosnan
19. Favorite holiday? Christmas Eve
20. Favorite dessert? Brownies
21. Favorite food? STEAK! or Italian or Thai
22. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
23. Favorite body wash? Eucalyptus Spearmint
24. Favorite toothpaste? don't have one
25. Favorite smell? Fresh laundry
26. What do you do to relax? Take pictures, read


So there. Now you know. Dammit.

Back from the Nether-regions

I'm back and exhausted, and going again tomorrow, but here are my pics from the trip home from Watonga...whole story will follow when I'm not asleep at the computer.

Just bear with me for a minute.

GRRRRRRR!!!



OK. Now I feel better. Back to regularly scheduled programming.

This just kicked over my giggle box…

...or "The price of fame"

I had this (abridged) conversation yesterday with a friend of a friend, whom I know through texting, e-mail, and my friend (duh), but whom I have never actually met. Some would say he is famous, I just say he's a friend from Canada…

Canada Boy: I'm stuck in Dallas. And they lost my luggage.
Me: That sucks. I have another friend who has to buy disposable luggage for that reason…
CB: Some lady is looking at me really weird.
Me: She probably thinks you're hot, but she's too old for you, and besides you don't have any luggage so a 'terminal' affair wouldn't' do her any good anyway.
CB: You're funny. I don't think she thinks I'm hot, she's looking at me like she's seen me somewhere before.
Me: Probably on her 12-year-old daughter's ceiling. She doesn't recognize you without pink lip gloss stains all over your face.
CB: Oh, God. I hope not.

--a few minutes later--

CB: I'm in hell. The lady just figured out who I am. Funny people, these.
Me: HA! Now she'll just have to have your autograph to give to her daughter to hang next to the life size pinup.
CB: Damn it. She does want an autograph and a picture of me…with her daughter! You MUST be watching on video.
Me: LOL … next year you'll be sold as a plush toy at Toys 'R' Us.
CB: Now I have a line!
Me: *Gigglesnort*

--he breaks off since the plane (finally) showed up--

…then 10 minutes later
CB: OMG! This is the connecting flight for a Girl Scout Jamboree in New York! I'm screwed!!!

…and another 5 minutes later
CB: Holy shit! The lady is sitting on my left…and the daughter is on my right! HELP ME!

BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!

More photos and good deeds

These are today's photos. Enjoy...





I did my good deed for today. Did you do yours? I think the universe owes me. Maybe dinner.

Pictures from the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial

...and I do think I've found a "home" for my photos. I've been wavering between a couple different sites, but I'll quit changing all the links on you now. Picasa is going to be my new residence...

I have power! WOOT!

Who knew? Apparently I am a powerful woman. F*cking SWEET!

I saw the grassy knoll...

...and i have the pics to prove it. A little tired, a little pink, but well worth it. I had a great weekend. Check out the link and leave commentary if you wish.

Soon back to regularly scheduled snark...promise!

Go pay a courtesy call...

My friend, Gentle Giant, has started his own blog...go check it out and welcome him to the blogosphere... (and admire my graphics handiwork!)

:-)


Headed south for the weekend...catch you Monday!

Took these last night...

Apparently I was in somewhat of a "film noir" mood last night judging from a couple of these shots from around campus...

Updated Pics

Here is the updated link to my pics from the weekend. I went down to Paseo last night and took a couple shots--you'd think that taking pictures in the Paseo ART District wouldn't garner strange looks and bodily threats of getting run over on a through street that is less than 10 feet long, but alas. I braved the elements and got the first series of these to show for it. Make me feel good. Go take a peek. :-) Leave comments if you desire-I'm always on the lookout for constructive criticism.

Learn something new today?

I knew there was lots that I didn't know about men...but I had no idea. Now I need brain bleach thanks to the video.

Class III beverage alert. Consider yourself forewarned.

Cranky Epistles: Men puzzle me.

I finally had time

I enrolled this week in an online photography class. I've always wanted to take classes to make myself a better photographer (as you all know, I like to take pictures!), and I finally found a moment to do it.

It's great! I'll post my "classwork" occasionally for comments and critique...and I really do want critique. Since my mom tells me how good I am, I give you free rein (for this topic only, though!)

If you'd like to see other stuff I've done, cruise my archives. Photos are sprinkled around and about. The following photos are this week's assignments: get to know your camera's capabilities, and take pics while considering the basic tenets...

Go HERE to look at my slide show of today's pictures...then come back here to comment!

The taste of freedom

…is King's Hawaiian bread in the one-pound round tin. I love it because it's sweet, but for me, it's a holy experience. For several years in our church it stood in for Jesus' body in Communion, so now I always associate it with worship. Not entirely a bad thing, but when I eat it in other places, I really crave grape juice.

This may be one of the two negative things about this coming Sunday being my last at my church. Yes, I finally threw in the towel. It was sweaty and bloody and slightly streaked with dirt, but its tattered strands have come to rest at last. The choir director and I are leaving on the same day. Organgrinder will have to get along without us.

For the first time since middle school, I have free Sundays. I don't have to get up before the sun. I don't have to spend week nights cranking out music for worship. No more hasty arrangements because my orchestra that was normal last week is now a flute, a trombone, and six French horns. No more waking up at 3 a.m. on the day before Easter wondering what the introit music will be for tomorrow's ENORMOUS service and how I'm going to get from A-flat (jazz) to C (Christ the Lord Has Risen Today)…

Burned out? Check.
Frustrated? Check.
Ready to scream at and unceremonially choke the life from the SPR Committee? Check.

All seems to be in order.

Hasta la bye-bye, Organgrider!

In which I am somewhat pacified...

Last night, GG's friend called to find out what they intended to do about the waitress. He was told by the same manager who oversaw the incident that there was nothing they could do if a member of their wait staff decided to voice an opinion.

This once again irked me, so this morning I wrote a complaint and filed it online with their corporate office. Then I typed a letter and took it to Pearl's since I knew that the manager I see often works days. Come to find out, he is the boss, so I gave him the letter, and he had already received the Web complaint.

The other manager had not even mentioned the incident, and I told him exactly what had transpired, and he was shocked. After much laughter and discussion, he assured me that the proper disciplinary action would be taken.

Even if she's not fired, they now have paperwork for her file, and God help her if she does it again!

Anyone up for some Seafood Diablo Extra Special?

Restores my faith...mostly.

In which I am indignant and affronted

I hereby swear that every keystroke that is written into this post just happened an hour ago. No embellishments, no jokes, just straight up fact.

For those of you who know me at all, you know that my choice in restaurants is diverse, but when I find a place I like, I patronize it often (and usually eat the same thing each time). One such restaurant has been my choice in Cajun/spicy food for the past year or so, and since Pearl's moved locations, I darken their doorstep at least three times a week. One of these times is at 9:00 p.m. each Monday night. Gentle Giant and I come from rehearsal, go eat, then part ways until the next weekly venture.

Tonight began like any other Monday, except I should have known that something was in the air—it’s a full moon, but rehearsals went well. We got to Pearl’s around 9:10 as usual, and asked for our favorite waiter. After being told that he was cut, we settled for a girl we’d never seen before, and asked for our usual-type appetizer/salad/drink/entrée combo. We received the drinks and pitcher of tea in short order, followed closely by our salads and crab dip (together, nonetheless). By 9:40 we were beginning to be curious as to why other patrons were eating and leaving but we still had not received our entrees…and at 9:50 the manager makes the rounds, and we ask where our meal is. She comes back eight minutes later with our meals in hand and apologized that the ticket had been lost. She let us know that since the wait was so long that our meals would be taken care of. We thanked her and set in to eat our meals.

Less than a minute later, our absentee waitress came to see if we need anything, and I asked for a side of garlic bread, as I usually do since my dish of choice could peel paint off the walls on a normal night. She was gone for less than a minute, and returned, saying, (and all the quotes that are in quotes are verbatim. Promise.)

“No you can’t have bread. The kitchen is closed. The manager agreed.”

I thought several things were curious about the statement; in no particular order:

1. I received my HOT meal less than a minute before I requested bread. How could the kitchen be closed?

2. If indeed the kitchen were closed, why did she ask if I needed anything else?

3. Not only did she not apologize (i.e. “I’m sorry, but the kitchen is closed. Could I get you anything else?”), she was quite rude in the delivery.

4. Why would she say the manager agreed before I was even upset about anything?

After learning that I couldn’t have any bread, I asked for a to-go box so that I could eat it with my bread at home. She brought back two boxes, and while I was scraping my dish (watching our favorite waiter mosey about the other side of the restaurant, no less), she asked,

“Would you like any dessert?”

I cocked my head and gave her the old hairy eyeball, and responded, “Are you kidding?!?” She looked confused, so I explained, “You just told me the kitchen was closed, and that I couldn’t even have the bread that I requested with my dinner, yet you ask if I would like dessert?”

At this point, Gentle Giant and I got up to leave. She was still standing by the table, and almost shouted, “Well, aren’t you going to pay for your crab dip and tea?”

We looked at each other, then looked at her, and GG said, “The manager comped our meals.”

The waitress shouted at us,

“No! She comped your entrée only. What?!? Isn’t it good enough that we gave you $35 worth of food? I know you come in here every Monday night, but you’re lousy tippers. I can’t believe you expect perfect service, so you should just quit your bitchin’.”

No kidding. Remember the pledge. She actually did use those exact words to us.

GG stood up (he’s a little over 7 feet tall—he’s called Gentle Giant for a reason, people.) and towered over the waitress. He just looked at her and said, “Go get your general manager. Now.” She stood there for a beat or two, and he looked down and said, “Now, or you’ll have me in your face!”

She walks off to get the manager, who returns and asks what is wrong.

GG points to the waitress and says,

“SHE should be fired.”

“What happened?”

We relayed what had transpired, followed with the following commentary:

“Not only do we come in here every Monday, whether we are poor tippers or not is NOT a determinant of service. No, attitude is gratitude. If we receive great service, you receive a great tip. We WILL tip poorly for poor service.”

The manager nodded her agreement, gestured to our meal, and said, “This is taken care of.”

She looked at the waitress and said, “This will be.”

Before I determine my future pattern of patronage, I must find out what happened with the waitress. Never in my life had I been talked to like that by ANYONE, let alone someone who claims to be in the customer service business. However, I must commend the manager. She did the best she could considering the situation her employee caused in about 2 minutes.

The jury is still out.

...oh I almost forgot

Congrats to those of you who took double time to graduate. You're finally free! (but only with a coupon.)


...seriously though, good job.

How many times have I been tempted?

Let me count the ways...
1. 2000 OU/TX
2. 2000 OU/OSWho
3. 2001 OU/TX

... you get the idea.

I don't know which is the best part...

Cranky Epistles: Oy, my aching ears and head.

Is the best part:
A) The opening statement, "Have you ever heard the dulcet tones of 45 long-haired cats being dry-shaved (against the grain) with dull straight razors?" (One must admit...that hooked me right there, ladies and gents.)

B) The fact that that statement was related to a music recital

C) This paragraph: "Granted, she was largely full of shit anyway, so the fact that her mouth looked like a puckered anus was appropriate."

D) Or the final line of the piece, "The person who tells me I need bigger, fake boobs, plumper lips, and an inanimate forehead better be wearing their track shoes when they do it, because I will strike up a chorus of "The Tire Iron Boogie for Douchebags in D-Major" pretty darn quickly."



GAWD, I wish I could write like that!!!


...and on which instrument does one officially play "The Tire Iron Boogie" and is it allowable to modulate? I'd really like to see it in P-flat minor with a demented ninth.

Myers-Briggs

Lawdog posted today about the MBTI, which, like him, until I went to grad school I figured was a crock. ....then I took the test.

HOLY COW! No one has ever pigeon-holed me before, and I've posted on the topic before (here), but each time I look myself up (ENTJ-1.8% of the US population), I'm always re-amazed by just how accurate it is (to see my slot, check the prior story).

Most people tell me that I'm a dichotomy...it does too, but it does it in a nice way. So there.

Leave a comment of your type--I'd be interested to see what official personality both of you are (and truthfully, probably run some sort of statistical analysis on it since I am a knowledge-seeker that approaches life with a plan to organize...)

Nothing like a little music to raise your spirits

We in Oklatucky have been facing a funding crisis in education (to the current tune of $47 million, give or take a few pennies), but the legislature has been resistant to fix the problem. To all of you who thought that was just because they were lazy, take note. They've been working hard in our State Capitol. This was just released...GRR!

State Senate Supports Public Vote on Official State Rock Song

(For digital audio, go to www.oksenate.gov and select “News.”)

Oklahoma has an official state folk song, a country and western song, and of course an official state song. What it doesn’t have is an official rock and roll song. But a vote in the Senate has brought the state one step closer to choosing one. Sen. John Ford is Senate author of House Concurrent Resolution 1047 which was approved unanimously by the full Senate on Tuesday. The measure has already been approved by the House of Representatives.

“This resolution truly promotes and celebrates the history and influence of music in Oklahoma,” said Ford, who represents Craig, Nowata and Washington Counties. “What’s really exciting is that the public will be able to nominate their favorite tunes and choose from the finalists to select our official rock and roll song.”

Ford explained that the Oklahoma History Center will celebrate the state’s rock and roll heritage in an exhibit entitled “Another Hot Oklahoma Night,” slated to open in 2009. Under HCR 1047, the Oklahoma Historical Society will host a web site, www.oklahomarocksong.org, and have polling locations at special events and the History Center where the public can nominate an official rock and roll song.

In August of 2008, the nominations will be pared to ten songs by a panel of experts selected by the governor, legislative leaders, the Oklahoma Film and Music Commission and the Oklahoma Historical Society.

From September 1 to November 15, 2008, the public will have the final say, voting on the official Oklahoma rock and roll song, which will be presented to the Legislature in 2009.

Rep. Joe Dorman is the House author of the measure. He said people are already getting excited about naming the state’s official rock and roll song.

“The suggestions have already been rolling in, with people wanting to nominate songs by Oklahoma artists including The Flaming Lips, Hoyt Axton and Leon Russell,” said Dorman, D-Rush Springs. ‘There are a lot of great tunes from Oklahoma and about Oklahoma. This gives us a great opportunity to showcase those artists and let the public help us celebrate our rock and roll heritage.”

-END-

It's nice to know they're working on things that matter.

I’ll Take One To Go, Thanks.

or… "Fast Food"

This weekend was a ringing good time in the big "D"…I'm in pain, but when it's due to spending all day ringing, who is counting? Let us, however, go back in time to Friday afternoon…

I was slated to leave Slugdom around 3, but since all the bosses were gone, I figured I'd leave around 1:45. At 1:10, the powers that be decided to test the fire alarm system. At 1:25, when the test was still in progress, I told the other girl that I was going to lunch and wouldn't be back. I cruised over to Taco Hell to grab some "food" so I wouldn't really have to spend time stopped. I hit the road headed south and, alas, as I passed the exit to go to my apartment, I passed the Gentle Giant, a friend and ringer in my choirs who was also headed south for the weekend o' ringing. After much honking and waving, he decided to follow me to Dallas.

About 20 miles into the trip, we hit a MAJOR traffic jam…I-35 down to one lane, stopped traffic as far as the eye could see. GG called me from two cars behind (a car slipped in for 15 miles!) to lament about the state of his hunger, ruing that he neglected to stop at a Taco Hell before leaving the metro. I told him that I had half of a caramel apple empanada left over that he was welcome to, and he wondered at how to get it to him. Since traffic had never quite STOPPED in the jam, and was just rolling along about 5 miles per hour, this did present a dilemma.

Ever resourceful, however, I wrapped it up in my Taco Hell bag, opened my car door, and placed it neatly on the outside of the yellow line on the road. The woman in the car between us gaped at me in horror, which was exacerbated when she saw GG drive up to the bag, open his door, and retrieve that bag in her rearview. He then commenced munching happily, much to the shock and chagrin of both the old-timers in the car behind him and the woman watching in the rearview.

 

The woman driving car between us changed lanes.

My momma said there’d be days like this, but I didn’t believe her.

Some people have the "luck of the Irish" and some people have notoriously bad luck. I usually fall somewhere in between, but yesterday turned from a dreary, crappy day to a seriously dreary comedy of errors.

On my way to lunch yesterday, a girl decided to change lanes, and got an object lesson in Newton's laws of motion, as well as the fundamental law of matter: two pieces of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time. (Only minor damage occurred, and none to me…) After getting the pertinent information from her, I took the afternoon off to take my car to get the driver's side mirror replaced. She decided to pay the cost out of pocket, so I had to fill out a TON of paperwork and hassle to make sure that the bill would, indeed, be paid. After a couple hours of this, I ended up calling Enterprise to rent a car since mine wouldn't be finished until this afternoon.

They came and picked me up and stuffed me, the 4^th and 5^th octave of Schulmerich chimes, and all of my assorted flotsam that I was taking from my car into the back seat of a PT Cruiser. The guy in the front seat was totally not amused (especially when I ended up with his stuff on my lap to make way for the chimes). By the time we leave the body shop, it is pouring rain, and we get soaked on our way into the car rental shop.

Come to find out, Enterprise has two cars available: a Kia Spectra or … the PT Cruiser we just went for a ride in. The other passenger and I look incredulously at each other and at the same time say, "Are you kidding?!?" He (thankfully) decided to take an upgrade, leaving me with the Kia Soupcan. The lady starts putting my information in the computer, and just as she finishes, there is a HUGE flash of lightning and the power goes off.

It was only off for about 5 minutes, but when it came back on, one of the agents said (and, no, I'm NOT kidding), "Wow. The computer is off. Is it safe to turn on?" After we did get her to turn her computer back on, she said, "I can't believe it came on! I KNOW I saw a huge flash right before it went off." To which I replied under my breath: "Of course. It was lightning."

The other customer started cracking up. That got her attention, so he did some fast talking to cover my ass (thank you Unknown Gentleman!).

Since it was raining, they were nice and pulled the Soupcan into the "maintenance garage" (read: a small space the size of my apartment's kitchen) to load the chimes. After much schlepping, we got the chimes into the teeny-weeny trunk and I was ready to sign the paperwork. Then we noticed the totally flat driver's side tire.

Unschlepped the chimes and loaded them into the (free upgrade) Ford Explorer. I'm on my way. Excellent. Went to lunch at 3:30 to celebrate.

I decided to go to the bank to get cash for the weekend, and my card slid out of the ATM right under the Explorer. I tried to get out to pick it up, but between my boots and my boobs, I was wedged in. The bank employees were enjoying my distress and finally, I just drove the Explorer out and walked through the ATM. It was still raining.

I went home on my way to make a recording for the band director, and as soon as I got out, God turned on the Heavenly Faucet. I got instantly drenched, and was not protected from the brutal north wind by my north-facing apartment. I opened the door, and slid on the tile into splits that would do an Olympic gymnast proud. In the process, I bent my house key, rendering my apartment open to the masses while I was out recording. Joyful.

This morning, I get a call from the girl who hit me. She thinks that we have some things in common. We're having dinner together tonight. (No, it's NOT a date. She's married.)

Does this stuff happen to anyone else? All in the same day?!? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

By the way...

I won.

The program covers are black and gold and gorgeous.

:-)

Way to go Slug-ger. (Part 3)

Where Captain Compensation attempts a world-shattering decision: blue or black.

From where I sit now, this is the most recent of the Cap’n Chronicles, but I’m sure it’s not the last.

Remember the notorious certificate with one-inch margins? I was enlisted to create a program cover for the same event:

Time: 6 weeks ago. Scene: Cap’n enters my office holding an old program from this event.

CC: I would like this to be updated. The new event date is April X, 2008.
Me: No problem. What color do you want? (It’s a one or two color document)
CC: It’s always been blue.
Me: Well, actually, last year was the first year it was blue. Every other year it had been red, but there were printing issues last year. Even so, I need to know what color you want it to be this year.
CC: Don’t care.
Me: OK. I’ll get it done and send you a proof.

Time: 5 weeks and 3 days ago.
This is (seriously) a cut and paste job…the email I sent him:

Cap’n, here is the cover. The files are fairly small, so you should be able to open them on your computer. They’re all black printing with the gold seal and a black binding. (Was I NUTS?!? It’s just a PDF. What should make me think that he could open it?!?)

Time: Last week.

Printer: Cap’n was just down here bitching that these were supposed to be blue.
Me: Sigh. (Told her the whole story…)
Printer: Well, I’ve already run them and think they look HOT like they are, but it’s up to you.
Me: I’ll call Cap’n and see what’s on his squirrely little mind.

*Ring, ring*

Me: I was just going to confirm the program covers. Printer said you had some problems with them?
CC: They were supposed to be blue.
Me: I wasn’t aware of that.
CC: I brought you the old cover and told you to update it exactly as it was.
Me: After which I specifically asked you what color you wanted, and you said you didn’t care.
CC: I told you that it had always been blue.
Me: And I told you that it had ALWAYS been red, but was changed last year due to printing issues.
CC: (trying to cut me off with his sputtering)
Me: Listen. Blue, black, red, purple, or green, I don’t give a flip. I just want straight answers. The printer has printed them in black after you said they were fine that way. Would you rather have them blue?
CC: Well, you and she already decided.
Me: No, I’m asking you, BLUE or BLACK?
CC: (more sputtering)
Me: Look. I don’t care if it’s your fault, my fault, the printer’s fault, or happened because Mercury was in retrograde. I’m just telling you that this conversation will NOT happen again. When you bring me a job, and I ask what color you want and how you want the design to look, and you respond that you don’t care, I WILL do the job, and it WILL be to everyone’s approval. If you aren’t counted in EVERYONE, it will not be my problem. If you want something to be purple and fuchsia, just let me know. I’ll be happy to oblige. However, if you don’t tell me that, do NOT go crying to everyone above you that I refused to do what you wanted done. I have the logs of our conversations. You won’t win.

*Click.*

Clarinazi: 3
Captain Compensation: 0

…to be continued. I’m sure of it.

I may have posted this before, but it still gives me goosebumps

This is amazing...if you don't get chills on the Picardy third, you're a sick, sick person!

Way to go, Slug-ger. (Part 2)

Where Captain Compensation is incredulous at the fact that I am *mostly* educated

We have a ceremony approaching for all the officially smart high school seniors, and as part of being officially smart, each participant receives several nifty items that will sit in a box for the rest of time. One of these items is a certificate that I created. Envision your standard, go-to type certificate…now add a Caesar-type wreath logo, and that’s pretty much it.

Ring, ring…Enter Cap’n.

CC: “You’re going to have to print out the certificate and bring it upstairs to me.”
Me: “Why? I just emailed a PDF to you in color.”
CC: “Well, you know that my computer doesn’t open PDF files, and I don’t have a color printer.” (Aside: Are you effing KIDDING me?!? His computer is so adept at opening Solitaire that he doesn't even have to click the icon. It automatically starts at 8 a.m. and closes at 4:30 p.m.)
Me: “If you drag the attachment to the desktop, you should be able to open the file. That is the point behind the PDF document.”
CC: “Well, my computer just won’t open it. I’ll come down and get a copy.”
Me: “Whatever you want to do is fine.”

Enter Cap’n…literally.

CC: “Do you have the certificate printed for me?”
Me: “No. I’ve been busy in the last 20 minutes.”
Print out certificate…
CC: “I’m a little worried about the margins of the certificate. I don’t think people would be able to frame it with their diploma.” (Right. Because they’re going to.)
Me: “It’s exactly as we discussed last week, and looks identical to all my degrees and certificates, so I’m certain that framing will not be a problem.”
CC: “All your degrees?”
Me: “Yes.”
CC: “All your degrees?”
Me: “Yes, all my degrees and certificates.”
CC: “All your degrees?”
Me: “Are you deaf? Yes. All my degrees and certificates. Just as I said.”
CC: “Just how many degrees and certificates could you possibly have?”
Me: “Well, let’s see…there’s the high school diploma, which doesn’t really count for these purposes, along with the certificate that matches it from where I was Valedictorian…then there is the undergraduate degree and certificate that says I graduated from the University of Oklahoma…Magna cum laude…then there’s the Master of Business Administration and accompanying certificate that says I was top in my class in graduate school…so, not counting the various other awards I’ve received over the years, that comes to roughly, um, six. I think that’s a fairly accurate number for the purpose of one-inch margins, wouldn’t you say?”

There was no response; he just got up and stomped out of my office, slammed the door, and called my boss to complain when he got to his office. She laughed in his ear and hung up on him. WOOT!

(And if you’re wondering: yes, that conversation was VERBATIM. He asked me that three times as if I were lying to the likes of him…Why would I bother?!?)

Clarinazi: 2
Captain Compensation: 0

...to be continued

Way to go, Slug-ger. (Part 1)

I've not complained for a while about people I work with, as I have been removed from the general loop o' idiocy and dumbassery for the most part. However, we have a new god to add to the pantheon this morning... this one's been a while in the making so the "ARGH" goes on and on…so I'll try to put it in parts as to not raise your (read: my) blood pressure too much at a time.

I give you Captain Compensation. His ass is scrunched up so tight that his voice changes. He is 5'4" about 115 pounds, early 60s. Misogynistic, and is doubly irritated by women in power positions at work (exacerbated by the fact that all his bosses are women): his boss (Queen Bee…who can't stand him), in this particular project, me (who can't stand him), and High Goddess (who also can't stand him)…see a pattern? Additionally, he is the most change averse person I've ever seen in my life. …and to top it all off, during the non-working hours, he and his wife ride Harleys. Can you get the visual?

A growth-stunted asshat on a bike. SUH-WEET.

I guess I should call him Dr. Cap'n, since he has a PhD., but nah. No one around here calls him doctor anything. He doesn't deserve it. That REALLY gets under his skin. Maybe he really doesn't have a problem with women in general…maybe it's just women that don't kneel in respect for his greater intellectual gifts. Hmm…thought for another day.

Most of my gentle readers (all two of you) know that I do graphic design and publication layout. Usually it's a pretty glam job since I get to do a bunch of stuff that around 100K people read all the time, and when that's done, I get to do nifty new graphic designs for existing documents, which is what I really like to do, but the flip side of the coin is that the rest of my time is taken up by crap…such as certificates, covers, etc. The stuff that is notoriously easy to lay out, but the editor (who is another post altogether) goes ape over.

Last month, Cap'n and I had a run-in that escalated into a skirmish, then into an all-out passive-aggressive war. The whole thing started because Cap'n is lazy. He will go to any extent to not have to actually do work while attending work. Queen Bee has on several occasions overridden his negative commentary about conferences, etc. that should be his sole domain (He has no underlings either…not even a secretary, so he considers himself overworked and refuses to do ANYTHING new), including a particularly heinous brochure about graduation requirements that he has had published since Christ was born but never changed the way it looked.

Well, over the years there have been more and more requirements to cram onto a legal-size piece of paper. This year, many laws changed, so I told him that (a) we were going to make it more user friendly to all the audiences that use it, not just the school administrators and (b) the first step to that would be to change it to 11x17 size and make it in color. He adamantly refused (walked out of the meeting in my office…) until I took it to his boss the way he wanted it:

After putting all the new requirements in it, on a legal-size piece of paper, the text was in a 5 point size font. (Yes, you did read that right. 5.) Cap'n saw no problem with this (could he see it at all?!?), so I took the new 11 x 17 version (with 11 point font J) to Queen Bee with a note on the small one that if we cut the point size to 4.5, we would have enough room in the corner to put in a LensCrafters coupon for a magnifying glass.

She was amused, and agreed with me that it was getting beyond ridiculous.

About this point, Cap'n began to closely resemble a fish.

Clarinazi, 1
Captain Compensation, 0

…to be continued

A shamrock for you...

Happy St. Patrick's Day, all ye lads and lassies...

A bit o' trivia for you compliments of Wikipedia: The widespread use of alcohol on St. Patrick's Day may be rooted in the fact that the Roman festival of the Bacchanalia, a celebration of the Roman deity, Bacchus, (to whom wine was sacred), was on 17 March.

Hail Bacchus. :)

Setting the record straight

For all of you who wondered, uh, NO, I do NOT snort when I laugh. "Giggle" just doesn't have the same ring to it as "GIGGLESNORT"*...




*besides, what kind of plagiarizer would I be if I didn't take it directly from the source?!?

Ya gotta love well-written snark.

In the Tulsa World Wedesday: "When scary met Sally" (by the World's editorial writers...)

Oklahoma City Republican Rep. Sally Kern got caught in the act of being herself -- yet again.

A recording of Kern stating that the "homosexual agenda is just destroying this nation" and represents a greater threat to America than "terrorism or Islam" is on the video-sharing Web site YouTube, which has received a half million hits in four days.

Kern, who was speaking to a group of Republicans when the inflammatory remarks were secretly recorded, now claims her comments were taken out of context.

We would only hope. But unfortunately that's not what the evidence suggests. Kern, a former teacher and wife of a Baptist minister, claims that she was only exercising her free speech rights. Those would be the same rights that led her on a crusade a few years back to pull library books off school shelves and to cut library funding.

Kern indeed has the right of free speech but she also enjoys the privilege of suffering the consequences. So far she's received at least 5,000 e-mails, most spanking her for suggesting "the homosexual lifestyle is destroying our country."

Joe Solmonese, head of the 700,000-member Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay and lesbian civil rights group, has written a letter to Gov. Brad Henry, suggesting that words matter, especially coming from an elected official whose job it is to represent all her constituents -- an official who should set an example.

That apparently isn't how Kern's Republican colleagues see it. Instead of flinching at her intolerance, they appeared to embrace it Monday with a big group hug and a standing ovation for their YouTube star.

Their reaction is one that should be remembered by more tolerant Oklahomans come election time. Equating sexual orientation with knocking down the World Trade Center is divisive and dangerous, not to mention dumb.

Rep. Kern may think she speaks only for herself but in the eyes of the nation her vitriol slops over on all Oklahomans.

So I can't decide if I like the article better, or this response to it:

3/12/2008 11:44:04 AM, Sally, Your Adoring Fan
Dear Sally Kern:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your speech, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan

GOD I love well-written snark. *GIGGLESNORT*

I may as well get them all out of the way at once...

Mom, just don't even try to watch these (especially the one above).


Through various friends, I have found these following videos. Though Mom won't find them funny, I think they're just HYSTERICAL.


Here are links to the other two. If you're unfamiliar with the back story, here is the short version:

Jimmy, who is dating Sarah, always bumps Matt Damon as a gag. The first video is their attempt to get even with Jimmy (last month). The second video is Jimmy's revenge (Wednesday night)...note the all-star cast.

CLASS A BEVERAGE ALERT.

Queen of the ID-10-T Error...

So after last night's ... um,... mishap, I totally feel like a dumbass. (For the uninformed, I fell down my stairs...I didn't "miss a step" or anything, I was just walking, then I was sliding.)

Aside from the pain in by back and my pride, I prevailed, but still... I have now joined the ranks of the fallen. Or something.

In other news, I hate people who do this. They are the people that put bb pellets in tire stems and mail magazines to people who piss them off. Oh wait, that's me too. Never mind the pellets and the magazines. I just hate people who stop suddenly. I never contemplated that it could be deliberate.

When I get my legions of flying monkeys, my monkeys and fellow band geeks are going to take over your world. And force you to listen to the piccolo/tuba duet version of Colonel Bogey. Incessantly.

Because I treasure your sanity (choke)

Hmm. A list of the worst things about this video...in no particular order.

1. The song.
2. The hat.
3. The happy trail.
4. The song.
5. The graphics.
6. The hat.
7. The song.


You know you want to watch it.

Thanks for a great one...

Thanks, everyone...I had a great day. I appreciate all the well-wishes, cards, and dinner with friends I haven't seen in a while. ...and random visits from some I'd like to see more often.

Thanks.

Clarinazi, Saturday 5:15 p.m. - ???

This is my life. Sad in a completely rawkin way...(How can being able to play Jurassic Park on a tabletop NOT rock your socks off?!?)

This will rock your socks off

WOW. This is a nifty prank... Seems like something I would do!

(My favorite part is where people are taking photos of the people who are still...do they REALLY think it would show the difference between real people and the still people?!? Clue in folks! Only funny on video.)

A steal of epic proportions

I think I have ED too...

Electile Dysfunction

Coming to a ballot box near you. One of the comments on the post pretty much summed it up (I'd choose different names, but the thought is the same)...

nurf said...

I'm em-bare-assed to admit I need a little blue bill for this ailment. McCain just doesn't get me aroused like Fred Thompson did. Maybe someone will come along to excite me to vote in the erection four years from now? Think I'll turtle up and hide til then.

Change the names, and Amen.

When spell check isn't the answer...

So this press release came out of the Gov's office yesterday. Apparently they forgot that spell check isn't the answer to all their problems? (The significant grammatical...issue...in the email subject and headline are worth a million!)

Email Subject Line: Measure to Honor Native American Tribes Killed by Republicans in Committee

State of Oklahoma House of Representatives

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

February 13, 2008

Representative Mike Brown
State Capitol Building Rm. 539B
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 73105
405-557-7408

Measure to Honor Native American Tribes Killed by Republicans in Committee

OKLAHOMA CITY (February 13th, 2008) A measure that would have honored the heritage of Oklahoma’s Native Americans was killed in Committee by House Republicans today.

“Oklahoma’s Native American tribes have played a pivotal role in shaping our State’s history,” said Representative Mike Brown, D- Tahlequah. “House Democrats simply attempted to amend a bill that would have reflected the heritage of all Oklahomans.”

House Bill 2674 was presented to the House General Government and Transportation Committee this morning. The bill would rename the North Canadian River to the Oklahoma River. Representative Brown submitted an amendment to the bill that would have renamed it the Native Oklahoman River. The amendment was voted down along party lines. All Republicans on the committee unified to defeat the amendment, while all Democrats present voted to approve the amendment.

“Is this the way that we treat those who helped form the rich cultural heritage of our State?” questioned Brown. “I hope that members of the Legislature will act in a more respectful manner the next time an opportunity arises to honor Oklahoma’s Native Tribes, instead of slipping back to old partisanship antics.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA! At least my agency's name isn't on that thing anywhere!!!

None of this is to mention that the fact that they are discussing the CHANGING OF A RIVER'S NAME in the Legislature... Your tax dollars at work. Or something.

Band season

Sorry I've been sparse on the postings since...well, since I got home from Chicago. Legislative session opened last week, so I've been busy at work, and band solo contest season is upon me, so I am spending evenings accompanying 25 soloists in addition to handbell rehearsals. I promise I'll get some stuff posted....sometime. I have some great things lying in wait! :-)

Thoughts of the day

It's Mardi Gras. I'm stuck at work on a craptacular day. I'd rather be reveling. My head hurts. May yours be all mine isn't. (and happy birthday to someone very special.)

The fuzz gives me the warm fuzzies

God bless the municipal cops. Seriously. If I could swing it, I'd take them each a cup o' Joe and a doughnut right about now in honor of their efforts to get me to my house.

I live just beyond a VERY busy intersection. Between this intersection and the VERY busy next intersection is the local mall, restaurant row, and the shopping mecca of south metro...including Wal-Mart and Sam's.

Envision the scenario. The N/S numbered road is two lanes each direction, and the E/W road is divided two lanes all the way to the interstate. Each of these roads is down to one lane each way, detoured about to make it very convoluted and confusing. HOWEVER, upon each road, going both ways on the N/S road is marked very clearly multiple times, NO LEFT TURN. So considering that all the drivers here are Okies, that means, "Turn left anyway, even though traffic backs up for a mile while you're waiting for an opportunity."

Until today. After screaming out my windows at schmucks who want to illegally turn for a couple of weeks, the munis apparently have also seen a profit opportunity.

The SW corner of the intersection has a circular drive that goes between Sam's, a bank and another through street. Therefore, the fuzz can queue up in the bank lot, see someone turn left, hop onto the eastbound street just behind them, and neatly pull them over in the through street...go through the Sam's parking lot and end up back in the bank parking lot waiting for another winner.

In the time that it took me to get from the interstate to the intersection, I saw 5 or 6 people pulled over. Considering the time, that makes for 30 people an hour, and each getting tickets that are (by law) $50ish minimum...let's see, that makes the local gummit about $1500 per hour, just on the people illegally turning to go EAST. (Not including mandatory court costs on the dummies who try to wrestle out of the fine.)

...deduct salaries and whatnot, and I think that after a few days of this, we can fund the construction project with the profits.




...oh, and don't forget the state law that says that all traffic fines are doubled in construction zones...

HEE HEE HEE Where's a cup o' java when I need it?!?