Introducing.....Swampdonkey

Today we inaugurate a new goddess into the pantheon: Swampdonkey. In the big picture, those such as her play a small but vital role. Swampdonkeys are the women people love to hate. They are rude. They are ugly. They breed in the southern Everglades.

Swampdonkey is the claims processor for my division. She has little intelligence and less common sense. We have had an ongoing feud for as long as I've been making claims for this section. This week has brought to light a speeded-up version of the goings-on in her peabrain.

In order to process a claim, the budgeted amount must meet or exceed the claimed amount in whatever 16-digit long category you're working with. In order to expedite this process, I usually make the claim, compare it to the budget, note the discrepancies, amend the budget, forge the appropriate signatures, then attach the shiny new budget perpendicular to the claim (so that both are obvious)...

Last Thursday, I did the aforementioned process upon ten different claims. Of them, half came back to me due to true errors on the parts of the claimmakers (at the districts--I can't fix this one)...and the other half came back due to INCORRECT BUDGETS.

OK, Swampdonkey. How do you NOT SEE the front page of each of those claims...yes, that one. The page that says "BUDGET" at the top, followed by a matrix of numbers that MATCH THE CLAIM.

---

After I got over my mottled rage at the returned claims, I took a peek at the reasoning behind the return of the other claims...and found this note on one of them (note that my program, though housed in a state department, is a federal program):

"I will need a law regarding this claim. The items claimed on this report are against the State Constitution. Although your project is Federal, the State Constitution comes over the Federal regulations, and therefore, this claim will not be paid."

WHAT?!?

Cow. Send this woman back to high school civics.

---

Swampdonkey reporting for duty.